Come down into my psyche
The deep images dark and brutal are mighty
Move out into my inner world
Where light and carefree desires come unfurled
To sleep at night is as a free drug
No LSD, THC or Ecstasy is needed
Just lie down on this ordinary white magical rug
Images fleet broken and fast
Come vivid, as I twist into oblivion
John C Brown
6/8/2004
*A piece about the tragedy of people using drugs to escape when we have the God given natural gift of dreams during sleep, which is as great an escape as any.
Friday, November 23, 2018
Friday, November 9, 2018
“Like Hell” A Lost Love Affair With An American City
“Like Hell!” That is basically what my family told me when I told them I was moving to one of America’s most dangerous cities for the summer- MIAMI! It was May 1999 and I had just completed my next to last semester at the University of Alabama. I had big plans, plans to drive to Miami and act like a nomad, living in tents in the Everglades one week, a hotel room on South Beach the next and where ever the heck my adventures took me until my final semester of college that fall. It didn’t matter to me that German tourist were car jacked and murdered there regularly about a decade earlier. Or that it still was a major entry point for drugs and gun smugglers.
You see, I have always felt the way about certain cities as I do women! Unadulterated infatuation and jubilation! My love affair with the city started in the mid 80’s! The chill of January would melt each and every Friday night as Miami Vice would grace the screen! The sounds, the sights the bizarre drama of the show was like no other I had ever witnessed. Pretty soon it seemed other sitcoms would take place in Miami! The Miami Dolphins were a force and really the deep South’s football team! There were no Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans or Carolina Panthers! There were the Atlanta Falcons and New Orleans Saints! But, they were awful! For instance, New Orleans was know for two things, drunks and fans who wore bags over their heads year after year. Of course the mighty Dolphins were smashed by the San Francisco 49’rs in the 1985 Super Bowl! It was Florida vs. California! It was the Deep South vs. the West! It was Florida and the South feeling emasculated for about a year. It was me as a child buying a 49’rs uniform to put beside my Dolphins one! Did I say I would also fall in love with with sports teams like I would cities and women? Even with a Dolphin’s loss it seemed like the 80’s was Miami’s decade.
The 90’s brought other potential "love affairs" to my travel door! There was a 1990’s trip to New York that had my mind spinning! Dad left my mom, brother and I alone to get chewed up by giant 🐀 s and cussed out by crazy Jamaica ex pats in Central Park while he went off to New Jersey to do business! There was my Senior Class trip to Washington DC, were my idiot classmates got drunk and threw beer bottles out of a fifth story window! Being a Christian, private school we had chapel every Friday. Imagine getting up in front the entire school, during chapel and apologizing for your past transgressions in the nation’s capital. I did some dumb things in my youth, that DC caper was not one of them! So, I got to watch the spectacle from a clean and innocent perspective that day in chapel. I longed for Chicago in the early 90’s as it was a family city. I even had a quick infatuation with Philly! But, non of those places could hold a candle to the “Bell of the Ball” MIAMI! It was too a family city in a way! My father’s uncle, Billy Harrell of Anniston, AL was stationed there during World War 2. For what ever reason basic training was in Miami Beach. Not exactly a place that can toughen up a man prior to combat. But, Uncle Billy’s time in paradise was short lived. For he was shipped to Alaska to fight in the Pacific Theater. Talk about extremes. Of course my mother’s brother had lived in New Orleans for a time. My grandfather recalls going down to visit him and being kissed by a man while coming out of bathroom, as the man exclaimed I love you to my grandfather. I wanted my adventure, my city to call my own! I wanted to follow in the tradition of my Uncle Mason (New Orleans) and uncle Billy (Miami).
The late 90’s had brought me crushing heart break! I was infatuated with a senior who just did not think of me like I thought of her! A movie staring Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone called the Specialist came out about that time. It was filmed and was set in Miami. Sure in junior high I fell in love with NY. In high school it was DC and Chi-town. Strangely, Dallas entered the picture for a time in college. But, Miami whispered in my ear during those other love affairs and said I can cure you from your human relationship heartbreak! I listened to her and was set to answer the call. “Of all the places a young man can go!” Was what my grandfather (Charles Brown) stated in his gruff Midwest voice. “That is a dangerous place for a young man to be!” And he knew! He got shot at numerous times in the “Battle of The Bulge” during World War II. Arguing with him, my father, mother and even brother for four hours got me nowhere! I had to come to grips with the fact my courtship with my beloved city was dying! It sunk in that night! I was to leave for Panama City Beach, FL the next day to attend a religious retreat. All that week it felt like a real break up with a real girl. Even a potential opportunity I got at the retreat to spend the summer in mission in exotic New Orleans felt like a consolation reward.
Five days later I arrived home, still sulking at my family for putting me in such a predicament. Half-heartily I greeted my father with a hello! He sternly, but softly said son come here I need to tell you something. I thought sure if it was an apology I would accept, without much pomp and circumstance, but nonetheless would. “He said son, I got news for you. Pack your bags. You are headed to South Florida!” It felt like the one who had got away came back into my ever loving arms! All those years of longing had come to reality. “Son! “I have found a way for you to work in Miami for the summer!” All the time I was in the Panhandle he had found a church out of Myrtle Beach, SC that was spending the summer doing mission work all over Dade County! So, for a good part of July that summer I slept on blow up mattress, in a Sunday school classroom in Westchester, a suburban Miami neighborhood; commuting between Homestead, FL. and Little Havana. Soccer camps and bible lessons did not bring about Crockett and Tubbs, Lamborghini’s, Colombian drug lords or even Miami Beach, which I never saw. No, it brought about giant mosquitoes, that stung like bees. It brought swamp frogs on steroids which entered our room at night and cuddled up in our mattresses with us. Finally, it brought a homeless man who wondered onto church property and slept in the breezeway between our room and restroom. No, the only thing glamorous about my time there was a trip to Key Largo, The Everglades and the Bayside Market place on Biscayne Bay. Although, we thought we saw Madonna one night in Coconut Grove. At least that is what someone said at the Coco Walk as we peered 100 yards away and saw the bright lights and cameras of what were paparazzi. For all we know it could have been a transvestite.
Just like your first human love a first love affair with a city may be your most intense. Maybe it is due to the fact that your brain is not fully developed. You're just not that experienced. But, for that moment in time those feelings are quite real, even if they are fleeting! Sad to say I have lost my love affair with her, with Miami! In 2011 some people associated with the city stole several thousand dollars from me. But, it did not fully matter as the love affair had started to burn out sometime before as I starting “dating” San Diego as early as 2008. No city has ever “curled my toes” quite like the Magic City in the Florida sun. But, because it brought theft in 2011 I could never love it again! Quite frankly the emotions I had for it burned so bright, they just burned out all together...for good! I became more mature and sought more refined cities in which to seek a more "adult" love! San Francisco was my “rebound” city in 2012, as I joined a literary society there. I finally had a relationship with Dallas. She taught me comedy through a course I took through her in March 2013. Now, I am a polygamist married to two cities for life. There is LA, who proposed to me this summer after 5 years of putting up with my wondering eye. For, I joined The Greater Los Angeles Writer's Society as a lifelong member in July! We renew our wedding vows at least every other December as I visit her by attending our annual Christmas party with GLAWS. She doesn’t seem to mind me “dating” Seattle with my membership in a environmental organization in that city. She is even o.k. with me marrying Seattle and becoming a geographical polygamist! And both those loves know I am mature and stable now! I know what true love now is! I have tied the proverbial knot with LA and Seattle. You get the feeling if I cheat or stray they would not ever feel threatened. Except for by one city. That turquoise haven in the Latin sun. But, at night when I am quietly in bed with my west coast wives I gently whisper in their ear. “ Don’t worry, those feelings were so intense they burned themselves out, never to return”. It was July 1999! I looked out on the tarmac at Miami International! A life of dreams all ahead of me. As was a girl back home named Melissa. It never worked out with ole’ Melissa. She is in my past. It never worked out with MIAMI. She is in my past! Flying home over that gun shaped state northward Georgia way; then on wards to Birmingham, I never thought she would be past, an ex. I always thought it would be she and me! My youthful love MIAMI!
Dedicated to Charles Clare Brown Sr. Billy Lamar Harrell
You see, I have always felt the way about certain cities as I do women! Unadulterated infatuation and jubilation! My love affair with the city started in the mid 80’s! The chill of January would melt each and every Friday night as Miami Vice would grace the screen! The sounds, the sights the bizarre drama of the show was like no other I had ever witnessed. Pretty soon it seemed other sitcoms would take place in Miami! The Miami Dolphins were a force and really the deep South’s football team! There were no Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans or Carolina Panthers! There were the Atlanta Falcons and New Orleans Saints! But, they were awful! For instance, New Orleans was know for two things, drunks and fans who wore bags over their heads year after year. Of course the mighty Dolphins were smashed by the San Francisco 49’rs in the 1985 Super Bowl! It was Florida vs. California! It was the Deep South vs. the West! It was Florida and the South feeling emasculated for about a year. It was me as a child buying a 49’rs uniform to put beside my Dolphins one! Did I say I would also fall in love with with sports teams like I would cities and women? Even with a Dolphin’s loss it seemed like the 80’s was Miami’s decade.
The 90’s brought other potential "love affairs" to my travel door! There was a 1990’s trip to New York that had my mind spinning! Dad left my mom, brother and I alone to get chewed up by giant 🐀 s and cussed out by crazy Jamaica ex pats in Central Park while he went off to New Jersey to do business! There was my Senior Class trip to Washington DC, were my idiot classmates got drunk and threw beer bottles out of a fifth story window! Being a Christian, private school we had chapel every Friday. Imagine getting up in front the entire school, during chapel and apologizing for your past transgressions in the nation’s capital. I did some dumb things in my youth, that DC caper was not one of them! So, I got to watch the spectacle from a clean and innocent perspective that day in chapel. I longed for Chicago in the early 90’s as it was a family city. I even had a quick infatuation with Philly! But, non of those places could hold a candle to the “Bell of the Ball” MIAMI! It was too a family city in a way! My father’s uncle, Billy Harrell of Anniston, AL was stationed there during World War 2. For what ever reason basic training was in Miami Beach. Not exactly a place that can toughen up a man prior to combat. But, Uncle Billy’s time in paradise was short lived. For he was shipped to Alaska to fight in the Pacific Theater. Talk about extremes. Of course my mother’s brother had lived in New Orleans for a time. My grandfather recalls going down to visit him and being kissed by a man while coming out of bathroom, as the man exclaimed I love you to my grandfather. I wanted my adventure, my city to call my own! I wanted to follow in the tradition of my Uncle Mason (New Orleans) and uncle Billy (Miami).
The late 90’s had brought me crushing heart break! I was infatuated with a senior who just did not think of me like I thought of her! A movie staring Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone called the Specialist came out about that time. It was filmed and was set in Miami. Sure in junior high I fell in love with NY. In high school it was DC and Chi-town. Strangely, Dallas entered the picture for a time in college. But, Miami whispered in my ear during those other love affairs and said I can cure you from your human relationship heartbreak! I listened to her and was set to answer the call. “Of all the places a young man can go!” Was what my grandfather (Charles Brown) stated in his gruff Midwest voice. “That is a dangerous place for a young man to be!” And he knew! He got shot at numerous times in the “Battle of The Bulge” during World War II. Arguing with him, my father, mother and even brother for four hours got me nowhere! I had to come to grips with the fact my courtship with my beloved city was dying! It sunk in that night! I was to leave for Panama City Beach, FL the next day to attend a religious retreat. All that week it felt like a real break up with a real girl. Even a potential opportunity I got at the retreat to spend the summer in mission in exotic New Orleans felt like a consolation reward.
Five days later I arrived home, still sulking at my family for putting me in such a predicament. Half-heartily I greeted my father with a hello! He sternly, but softly said son come here I need to tell you something. I thought sure if it was an apology I would accept, without much pomp and circumstance, but nonetheless would. “He said son, I got news for you. Pack your bags. You are headed to South Florida!” It felt like the one who had got away came back into my ever loving arms! All those years of longing had come to reality. “Son! “I have found a way for you to work in Miami for the summer!” All the time I was in the Panhandle he had found a church out of Myrtle Beach, SC that was spending the summer doing mission work all over Dade County! So, for a good part of July that summer I slept on blow up mattress, in a Sunday school classroom in Westchester, a suburban Miami neighborhood; commuting between Homestead, FL. and Little Havana. Soccer camps and bible lessons did not bring about Crockett and Tubbs, Lamborghini’s, Colombian drug lords or even Miami Beach, which I never saw. No, it brought about giant mosquitoes, that stung like bees. It brought swamp frogs on steroids which entered our room at night and cuddled up in our mattresses with us. Finally, it brought a homeless man who wondered onto church property and slept in the breezeway between our room and restroom. No, the only thing glamorous about my time there was a trip to Key Largo, The Everglades and the Bayside Market place on Biscayne Bay. Although, we thought we saw Madonna one night in Coconut Grove. At least that is what someone said at the Coco Walk as we peered 100 yards away and saw the bright lights and cameras of what were paparazzi. For all we know it could have been a transvestite.
Just like your first human love a first love affair with a city may be your most intense. Maybe it is due to the fact that your brain is not fully developed. You're just not that experienced. But, for that moment in time those feelings are quite real, even if they are fleeting! Sad to say I have lost my love affair with her, with Miami! In 2011 some people associated with the city stole several thousand dollars from me. But, it did not fully matter as the love affair had started to burn out sometime before as I starting “dating” San Diego as early as 2008. No city has ever “curled my toes” quite like the Magic City in the Florida sun. But, because it brought theft in 2011 I could never love it again! Quite frankly the emotions I had for it burned so bright, they just burned out all together...for good! I became more mature and sought more refined cities in which to seek a more "adult" love! San Francisco was my “rebound” city in 2012, as I joined a literary society there. I finally had a relationship with Dallas. She taught me comedy through a course I took through her in March 2013. Now, I am a polygamist married to two cities for life. There is LA, who proposed to me this summer after 5 years of putting up with my wondering eye. For, I joined The Greater Los Angeles Writer's Society as a lifelong member in July! We renew our wedding vows at least every other December as I visit her by attending our annual Christmas party with GLAWS. She doesn’t seem to mind me “dating” Seattle with my membership in a environmental organization in that city. She is even o.k. with me marrying Seattle and becoming a geographical polygamist! And both those loves know I am mature and stable now! I know what true love now is! I have tied the proverbial knot with LA and Seattle. You get the feeling if I cheat or stray they would not ever feel threatened. Except for by one city. That turquoise haven in the Latin sun. But, at night when I am quietly in bed with my west coast wives I gently whisper in their ear. “ Don’t worry, those feelings were so intense they burned themselves out, never to return”. It was July 1999! I looked out on the tarmac at Miami International! A life of dreams all ahead of me. As was a girl back home named Melissa. It never worked out with ole’ Melissa. She is in my past. It never worked out with MIAMI. She is in my past! Flying home over that gun shaped state northward Georgia way; then on wards to Birmingham, I never thought she would be past, an ex. I always thought it would be she and me! My youthful love MIAMI!
Dedicated to Charles Clare Brown Sr. Billy Lamar Harrell
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
"Cairo 2014"
I once submitted saliva, that's all I did.
I once found out it was only sand.
I once realized, even from the time of a kid
I bled North African blood, running blue - visions of Pharoah's chariots, warriors stand
I realized one small cut - plasma dripping, satiating fertile Alabama land
I once found out it contained an illustrious, distant past - pyramids gleaming, Egyptian sand.
*Simple 3 stanza piece about taking a DNA test back in 2014 and discovering trace amounts of what people in the South would say is exotic concerning those results.
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