Yes, It's that wonderful time of year students yearn for. (I don't care if I just ended a sentence with a preposition-STICK IT) Yes, the end of the school year. (except for those who failed and have summer school) So, to celebrate the END I, Dr. Shenanigans, offer up my final exam. Fail and who cares- Pass and still who cares! So to date myself and to help most of you pass you will be tested on pop culture 80's entertainment themes. There will be fifteen questions with an unlimited amount of time to complete this test. Yes, housewives you can still watch a soap and take it. Men, you can still fall asleep at work on your desk, wake up and finish it. Kid's you can even take it on your app phone in your car while driving. But, if you wreck please blame Twitter or Facebook and not me. I have included the exam section as well as an answer key page at the end for you to grade yourself. If you want to post feed back or questions- you can try-I want answer because- I don't care! So let's get started! Good luck-have a safe summer-and see you in the fall (well those of you who are not taking this while driving!)
80's Music for 5 points
1. Whick 80's metal band sounds like the code name for a serial killer?
(a) Twisted Sister
(b) Cinderella
(c) Blondie
(d) Night Ranger
2. Whick 80's pop group/individual sounds like a nickname for a hooker?
(a) Debbie Gibson
(b) Blondie
(c) The Go Go's
(d) 'Til Tuesday
3. Which 80's pop group sounds like the name of a strip club?
(a) Donna Summers
(b) A-ha
(c) The Go Go's
(d) Nina
4. Which 80's group sounds like something your mother says when she finds your stack of "Playboys" you have worked so hard to conceal all this time?
(a) Quiet Riot
(b) A-ha
(c) Starship
(d) Poison
Television shows for 5 points
5. Which t.v. show (s) sounds like the name of a porno flick?
(a) Knot's Landing
(b) The Golden Girls
(c) Different Strokes
(d) The A-Team
6. Whick t.v. show (s) sounds like a gay porno flick?
(a) Knot's Landing
(b) Simon & Simon
(c) Dallas
(d) Miami Vice
7. Which t.v. show sounds like the name of the homeless guy you hide from when you go downtown for dinner/
(a) Murder She Wrote
(b) Webster
(c) The Cosby Show
(d) Cheers
8. Which t.v. show sounds like what your mother will actually do when she finds your stack of Playboys in your father's study/work desk?
(a) L.A. Law
(b) Murder She Wrote
(c) The Cosby Show
(d) Empty Nest
9. Which t.v. show (s) sounds like the outcome for when your mother actually finds your stack of Playboys in your father's study/work desk?
(a) Cagney & Lacy
(b) L.A. Law
(c) Cosby Show
(d) Empty Nest
10. Which t.v. show sounds like the law firm your mother hired to leave your father?
(a) L.A Law
(b) Cagney & Lacy
(c) Alf
(d) Murder She Wrote
11. Which law firm sounds like the law firm your father hired that lost to your mother's law firm?
(a) Simon & Simon
(b) Designing Women
(c) Dear John
(d) Alf
12. Which t.v. show sounds like the result of the custody battle between your mother's lawyers vs. your father's lawyers after her divorce from your father and her custody battle for you and your siblings due to his ongoing and newfound addictions.
(a) The Cosby Show
(b) Cheers
(c) Safe at Home
(d) Small Wonder
13. Which t.v. show sounds like the type of letter your father wrote your mother before he ran off with a troup of Golden Girls and spent all his free time at the Go Go's?
(a) The Wonder Years
(b) Cheers
(c) Dear John
(d) Hunter
14. Which show demonstrates the moniker for what you learned about your parents and marriage in general?
(a) It's a Different World
(b) Alf
(c) The Facts of Life
(d) Dear John
15. Which show demonstrates how great this decade really was?
(a) The Wonder Years
(b) Facts of Life
(c) Hunter
(d) The equalizer
Let's be honest, although you can guess correctly and grade well, fact is, if you actually took the time to test consider yourself to have a mild personality disorder. Your sort of like those folks who play with that "goofy" golf tee subtraction game down at "Cracker Barrel," to the chagrin of everyone at the table. You know what I am talking about! The type of activity that solicits wait staff to provide you with crayons and a coloring sheet even as an adult and even when you don't ask. So regardless of how you feel about your intelligence (you should feel rather low) here is the answer key and point yield per question.
Question # Points
(1)=d 5
(2)=b 5
(3)=c 5
(4)=b 5
(5)=a,b,c and d 20
(6)=a and b 10
(7)=b 5
(8)=b 5
(9)=b and d 10
(10)=b 5
(11)=a 5
(12)=b 5
(13)=c 5
(14)=c 5
(15)=a 5
*Disclaimer: Friends, on a more serious and important note I am going to include what I like to call "Comedic License" as a disclaimer that I personally do not laugh at or minimize divorce, homelessness or sexual addiction dynamics. This piece of "fun" was for entertainment purposes only. I, nor anyone who ever writes or will write for "Modern Agrarians Southern Writer's Pub feel or ever have felt the opposite of the preceding statement. Marriage, family and sexuality between a man and a women is honorable and forever sacred in the eyes of God and with us here as well. So please, enjoy but know that things posted are considered "entertainment" and do not reflect the true opinions of it's writers. God Bless and see you next week!
J.C.B
As a freshman in college a boy lives the life of mixed singnals. Caught in between what he thinks the world should be and hormones. He sometimes can't make out (if he pays attention at all) those unspoken but certainly intended answers from the realm of the "non verbal."
So was a young man's ability to discern during his freshman year of college. As a young man attempting to lead a "Southern Baptist, sactified life" he chose bible camp each summer compared to say Panama City, skate boarding and hot boxing multiple cigarettes at the local mall (although, this was engaged in earlier in his teens).
or leaving pet manufactured, feces, filled bags on neighbor's front porches while lit only to ring the doorbell and run.
These camps provided spiritual as well as social guidance. In other words a young man would pursue the girls that provided the most flattering attention and quietly stalked the ones that did not. BUT THEY PRAYED THAT GOD WOULD "OPEN A WINDOW" WITH THEM. So there you had it, spiritual guidance taking over when social guidance could no longer carry on. As a young man would grow older he would still attend these camps with his church but this time as a counselor. Yeah, I know it sounds untrue-but really they would. Yes, the same type of boy who at 13 stole golf carts, got their ear pierced in 1989 at the "Batman" movie with only ice and the stud of the ear ring (legend has it he took it out when his mother picked him up) and made fun of "Chucky Cheezes" mother to his face. It was common for the young man's church to invite other churches to visit the annual bible retreat in Fort Walton Beach Florida each summer.
Usually kids mixed well, sometimes too well! As can be recalled it was human nature to have affection for anything novel. It is the essence of human nature. Boys would spend time with girls from other churches, while the girls from their church would spend time with hardened naval sailors back stateside in port.(Well, no not really but you get the idea!) Georgie Deerman was one of those girls that could make any guy feel good about himself (although later in the story it will be shown how she made one neophyte feel rather bad). She was always the one that made you feel attractive after another had said no. She was a true friend to everyone. Unfortunately, one certain young man got one of those mixed signals we discussed earlier. Or better yet, she sent an appropriate signal of friendship and it was misinterpreted. This was especially easy to do for a fledgling just recovering from an extreme bout of unrequited crush. So, it was easy to see that being in junior college their freshman year in their hometown of (35,000) said fledgling would need an outlet on occasional weekends. So Georgie was called upon, who by now had happened to move from her hometown to a posh suburb of a blighted industrialized community an hour and a half south of her original home. She had done so on account of her mother remarrying her new husband.
A call was placed on a forelorn Wednesday night in January 1996, although it was known that Georgie and the young man had not conversed since summer bible camp. Kindly she offered the option to meet her and some friends in a section of her new and posh town called "English Village." So they met on a cool Friday evening in front of a local coffee shop-called "Down The Tubes" appropriate huh! Anyway, young fledging exited his car and loaded into Georgie's "beamer." Upon entering the car he was quickly and graciously introduced to a pleasant, angular and attractive blue-eyed blond who politely introduced herself.
Before we go any further: IN THE SOUTH FOR BETTER OR WORSE (most always worse) PEOPLE ARE NOT KNOW SO MUCH FOR WHAT THEY DO BUT FOR WHO THEY ARE! THIS ELEMENT OF OUR CULTURE SLAPS EVERYONE IN THE FACE AND IT DID SAID "YOUNG FLEDGLING" THAT EVENING WITH GEORGIE AND HER FRIEND.
Georgie had never displayed, for once, a racist nerve in her body. Not only this but her friend did not appear the same way, as well, with her quiet manners and warmth. Knowing this said, young fledgling barely paid attention when Georgie and her friend mentioned that the first stop on the itinerary was to pick up a friend and that she was Jewish! Again having evaluated Georgie quite well during bible camp no slight was taken by young fledgeling concerning their description of their friend. But then again it was quite mysterious as to why they would announce such a small facet of someone else's being.
Although they mentioned the young lady's name it must have escaped the grasp of the young man. While entering the back seat all he heard was that she was Jewish! Years later it was determined by him why they had announced her ethnicity along with (1) her name and (2) what we would do the rest of the evening. Because as was stated before in places such as New York or Los Angeles or other metropolitan locations people are more know by what they do. (despite the fact that unique neighborhoods add to the rich tapestry in these cities with their added ethnic flavor). But in the deep South, as time stands still we are known for who we are!!!!!!!!!!! When folks identify each other we use this very dynamic, but don't usually intend insult (well, those of us who don't where white robes and hoodies) That's just the way it has always been here. Like any night you might expect the party of three headed to the local pizzeria, ice cream shop (even in January) and generally spent the rest of the evening chasing after a boy Georgie was crushing on. Of course he was your vintage "alpha male" suburbanite type with white Chevy Blazer, camo jacket and a "Jackson Swoop" haircut-all the girls swoon over.
NOTE: "Jackson Swoop"- moron haircut that emphasizes bangs growing down over eyes as if to give the appearance of that idiot sheep dog on "Looney Tunes." Looks similar to what the Beatles wore in the sixties, supposedley started in Jackson, Mississippi and popular among frat boys at southern universities. Its true intention is for hair to grow as long as possible because young men see how balding their father's are becoming and realize time is of the essence. Adult men have a version of this........commonly called the........"combover!"
In other words the type of guy that if you did not know better he looked as if he was ready to shoot up a high school in suburban Denver. But, inspite of this surprise in Georgie's motives, the young man thought that she wanted to spend time with him. Besides he was having too much fun as the evening was light and carefree. But this first sign of a "mixed signal" was an ominous harbinger of an even greater and more HUMILIATING signal to come. But, hey what did he care, he had Georgie, a sexy blond and now a pretty, petite raven haired and deep brown eyed girl at his side.
As the evening winded down as well as Georgie's chances to gain the attention of BOY "high school hostage", they headed back to her house to watch t.v. play board (bored) games and maybe even a little "pajama pillow fight" (leave it to a young man to dream), with the last two being brought up. Arriving at Georgie's house they stood in the foyer by the front door just chatting for a while. Wanting to add more to the conversation(since most women trade two sentences compated to men's one) young fledgling offered the following question:
"HEY GEORGIE, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO PICK UP THE JEWISH GIRL??????
Georgie next gave young IDIOT a look like he had just flatulated extra loud and changed the subject. As the other two girls left the foyer walking into the kitchen, Georgie stayed behind slowly catching yound IDIOT's arm as he walked by-stating with a teeth grinding tone:
"THAT DARK HAIRED GIRL STANDING NEXT TO YOU A SECOND AGO- THAT'S THE JEWISH GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!
Suffice it to say the evening was shot. Georgie became "tired", something that all her friends knew she never became- afterall that was what everyone loved about her. That evening it was the longest drive back for young IDIOT. Of course he tried to save face by attempting to carry on a conversation with the raven hair lass, sitting next to him in the back, by making a feeble attempt to compliment her cell phone! Afterward in the days-hell even years to follow, young IDIOT has never said another word to Georgie or had any contact with her since that evening. But, suffice it to say he learned an important lesson about "southern culture" that night. But more importantly he learned about human nature and that it is never umimportant to know someone by name and by WHO THEY ARE! For this is what truly honors God and what sets us apart as people. And by the way I still cannot remember the sexy blond's name but will always remember my friend from the backseat. ALICIA- YOU TAUGHT ME SO MUCH!
Sincerely,
Young Fledgling/IDIOT
(1) When: You log onto the computer to play solitare and get kicked back out!
(2) When: you place a call to a corporation and the generic pre recorded "kind women's" voice hangs up on you!
(3) When: the cable repair guy actually comes earlier than scheduled- TO GET IT OVER WITH!
(4) When: Vagrants hide their signs and look down when they see you in your car stopped at interchanges or underpasses!
(5) While: at a baseball game the umpire screams "your out!" He then points at your seat inspite of there being some 40,000 fans around you!
(6) When: Nigerian e-mail scammers have your e-mail blocked!
(7) When: You're the only one on your block to never receive junk mail!
And Finally...........................
(8) You become a stand-up comic!
Dr. Shenanigans PHD/MD
