Yesterday, I did something that I've been meaning to do for the past two weeks. In August, I did something I've always done starting 12 or so years ago that has given me a chance those that went before me never gave themselves - I'll explain later. First my story
The evening of August 22nd of this year was like so many others. It was hot, sticky and also the start of high school football season here in Alabama. I have always been a soul to skirt right up next to breaking the rules, if I felt it made my time here on earth more rewarding. My motto has been to live on the edge if need be, as long as it does not offend or hurt anyone psychologically or physically. That night I really wanted to watch a high school football game; which happened to be one between Westbrook Christian (my former school) & Coosa Christian alone with a couple of beers. The problem is, you obviously cannot take a beer into a high school football game. So, I decided to park off the side of the road and watch it from my car. Some boys were playing touch football right on the other side of the fence about 30 feet away from my north end parking spot on the 'home' bleachers side of the stadium in a patch of grass. That section of the complex off of where Turman Street enters into Westminster Drive, Not paying attention to them I hear this thump on the side of my car. I look down and there is the ball. I get out and joke with the boys and say I'm taking it home with me. I grab it and keep it for 40 seconds or so and throw it back over the fence to them. At this time, across the street and standing in a driveway, a man is watching my drinking beer and being illegally parked. He does not seem too happy. It turns out I know him. He is the father of a girl I once dated in high school and she is a friend of mine. I start checking my e-mails on my phone. Suddenly, the boys yell out, "hey mister get the ball for us." The type of thing you'd hear in Brooklyn. I told them I could not get it as I was in the middle of something and they had to simply crawl under the fence to get this one. The game goes on and I don't think of the incident much anymore. After the first quarter a lightning delay allows me to visit the driveway with the man who was staring me down, by this time I spot the girl from high school, his daughter and my friend. I use the time to visit. The home was actually her younger brother's and it was a gathering place for the family to watch our old high school's games from the comfort of their driveway. I knock, go inside and visit for 30-minutes. By now her mother has visited and we have a jovial time of reliving nostalgia and good times. The father, still aggravated at my parking, seemed to be in a surly mood. I noticed he went back into one of the rooms alone with the door closed for a time while I was visiting. Later, I looked out the door and saw the players reentering the field. The second quarter was about to start. So, I turn around and finish whatever good time story I was reliving. A minute or two later the father says, "there are a bunch of squad cars by yours." At first I thought he was kidding. You've gotta remember he was the same guy who would shoot his students in class with a water gun if they got an answer wrong. This time he was not. There were two cars and 5 policeman by my unoccupied jeep. Talk about 'Mayberry' ! Rainbow City, AL. was always know for this ridiculous type of behavior with their cops. It is a sleepy southern town full of ultra conservative, racist sometimes MAGA types. A place known for getting calls to dispatch for literally anything frivolous, even if it was not ordinary. A place were losers with a badge and low self-esteem would over react to anything minor. Of course, I thought man, I'm busted they are going to write me up for having beers, which; unless you are in New Orleans, it is illegal to have an open container. Walking up to the scene I expected to hear something about the beers or being "illegally" parked. I heard none of that. INSTEAD I HEARD FROM A COP NAMED RICHARD ROBERTS: "WHY DID YOU NOT GET THAT FOOTBALL FOR THOSE KIDS?" SOMEONE HAD CALLED THE POLICE ON ME BECAUSE I WOULD NOT HELP THEIR CHILD GET A FOOTBALL THAT FELL OVER THE FENCE! I'D HEARD OF ENTITLED & DELUSIONAL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD BUT THIS TOOK THE PROVERBIAL CAKE!
By now the game had restarted. Yet, it was hard to tell in my mind how many people could've been examining the whole event. I was subjected to a doctored breathalyzer exam. The dirty cop told me to keep breathing onto the device 5 times. As I told his superior officer, that next Monday, when I complained: "I know how to breath DAMMIT!" I was sober and it was apparent they did not like that fact and they were trying to cook the results by giving me multiple tests, in the hope they could give me a humiliating arrest. At this time I discovered a woman from my brother's graduating class watching the whole thing with interest along with one of the school's volunteer basketball coaches, just over the fence, where the boys had been playing football earlier. Concerning the police, a couple were testing me, one (who resembled Lurch from the Addams Family) was coaching me on not speaking to anyone over the fence and one (who resembled Tatoo from the 80's t.v. show Fantasy Island) was standing there smirking as if he was getting my wallet without me knowing. As I described to the chief of police it was reminiscent of those times in high school where some redneck would get a bunch of his buddies to fight someone who had dishonored his family or girlfriend or his honor. In the end all they gave me was a petty "stopping on a highway citation." In other words, they saw an opportunity to get $175 for the community's coffers. It took everything I had not to go full RAGE during the incident and get myself arrested. Getting harassed by cops and getting a breathalyzer test in front of potentially 3,000 people will do that. GETTING A PHONE CALL TO DISPATCH AGAINST YOU FOR NOT GETTING SOME BRAT'S FOOTBALL WILL DO THAT! You get a gut feeling in your soul that your dignity, your rights as a person were severely violated. Family and attorneys I have spoken to since have told me that was clearly one of those moments...........................SO WHAT DID I DO ABOUT THIS? WHAT DID I DO THAT SOME WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN BOLD ENOUGH TO DO? AFTER ALL, SOME WOULD HAVE JUST BEEN CONTENT WITH DRIVING OFF AND HOPING NO ONE THEY KNEW SAW OR RECORDED THE INCIDENT. THERE WERE RISKS INVOLVED WITH ME FIGHTING BACK! I COULD GUESS THE WRONG OR RIGHT PEOPLE WHO MADE THE CALL! I COULD SEVER MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL! I COULD PUT MY REPUTATION ON THE LINE! I WANNA TELL YOU I DID ALL OF THOSE THINGS! MORE THAN LIKELY I GUESSED THE WRONG PEOPLE! I GUESSED THE RIGHT PEOPLE! I JUST ABOUT SEVERED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL! YET, I GOTTA TELL YOU.........IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT.
In August, I fought back by hiring attorneys to send letters to the some of the parties I thought made the call. I demanded they post a public apology and repay the fee I had to pay. I wrote letters to my old high school principle describing the event to her and asking if she knew anything. They got their lawyers to contact my lawyer. AS WE SAY HERE IN THE SOUTH, IT BECAME A GOOD OLE' FASHION PISSING CONTEST. I e-mailed and called the chief of police and about cussed him out. The most bold thing I did was to visit, in person, the father of my friend at his home on his turf and ask him politely, if he was involved. He said NO! He was not involved. To date no one has confessed anything.......NO ONE MAY NEVER DO IT. YET, WHAT I ACCOMPLISHED THROUGH ALL OF THIS WAS LIFE GIVING AND VALUABLE!
Sure, I've thought about spending the minimum of $1,000 to hire an attorney to subpoena records of phone calls to dispatch that evening Who knows? I may do it? But, that is all in the back ground now. What is important is that I stood my ground after counting the cost and realized MY EMOTIONAL WELL BEING IS PRICELESS! MY REPUTATION IS A GATEWAY TO MY EMOTIONAL HEALTH. SO IS MY '"ART OF ASSERTIVENESS"To anyone reading this I want you to know there will be times when someone challenges you. They desire to take away your dignity, either by being jealous, petty or insecure or just plain mean. ALWAYS BE DECENT AND PRACTICE THE GOLDEN RULE. YET, EXPECT THE SAME FROM OTHERS. WHEN YOU DON'T GET IT, STAND YOUR GROUND, SET PROPER BOUNDARIES AND DEMAND IT.
You see. My father's mother was an alcoholic who drank herself to death. I never met her as she died a year before I was born. She could not set boundaries with people. She ran from life, she continually escaped from the emotional assault life gave her and it KILLED HER! My mother's father was not bold enough to tell his second wife no. My mother, along with her four siblings, got zero inheritance because he was too cowardly to say NO to his second wife!!!!!!! He could not say NO to the wrong people and YES to those who mattered! It left years of hurt feelings and invalided a lifetime of the positive emotions my mother ever had for him. All those issues started with them not dealing with minor incidences over time. They came from not setting proper boundaries in the small things.......which led to their failures involving the BIG ONES!
As I drove home from my visit yesterday I felt amazing endorphins rush through my bloodstream. Although, in the whole scheme of life, I knew my issue was petty. Yet, I realized I had given myself a gift over the last six weeks not many people would provide themselves. A gift my late grandmother and grandfather never gave themselves or others. THAT BEING THE GIFT OF THE 'ASSERTIVE MIND' The gift of setting proper boundaries when the need presented itself. The gift of fighting for yourself! Dear Reader...................I hope you give yourself this special gift. with me it has been easy due to the fact that I'm naturally wired this way. But, if you are not, please give it a try. IT WILL MAKE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE SO MUCH BETTER, IT MAY EVEN SAVE IT! NOT ONLY PHYSICALLY, IT WILL EMOTIONALLY.
J.C.B.
October 9, 2019
