Idiot Lil' Halloween Love Story (Children's Version)

                    There once was a candy
                    named SUGAR DADDY
                    Who lived on a shelf.
   One day, stocked on shelf near by, was   
       a young lass named Milky Duddy (Listen people! we have all wondered at one time or another who SUGAR BABY'S mother was? No one knows for sure, so this is the most consistent theory I have-so just freakin' go with it!)
            So it was a love so gooey and sweet (Sorry again! Couldn't resist.)  But one day the stock boy took her away. (Probably due to some obnoxious and cheap Pakistani owner who did not want to pay a certain tax on that item.)  SUGAR DADDY  was downtrodden as he felt that he would never see Milky Duddy again.   But, alas- cheap Pakistani owner's visa was forged and he was shipped back to the land of car bombs and turbans. SUGAR DADDY'S hope was renewed as he knew he may be reunited with Milky  Duddy! So one day an American bought this particular shop and reintroduced Milky Duddy to the store.  SUGAR DADDY was overcome with emotion and he embraced her and stuck to her side (sorry again) never to let her go!

They soon married and had several children named "sugar babies"
They watched with pride as they all grew up and became.........................CAVITIES!
AND EVERY DENTIST ALL ACROSS THE LAND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!


THE END (of my self respect)

"Armed Robbery and A Little Bit of Luv"

Every scenario plays into your mind as you wake up with anticipation to proceed with plans that you had carried out, been revised, tanked and revived with every minute ALL IN YOUR HEAD.  The morning starts out like any clear cool Saturday as you drive past the bank once.  Keep in mind that you have a window of only three hours before they close for the weekend.  So you find a parking lot-more than likely a gas station directly across the street from your targeted bank.  You take some binoculars and gauge into the front door to see who is standing at the desk and who may be working the teller drive through.  You're hoping that it is only a couple of women-ESPECIALLY the youngest, prettiest and most effervescent your primary target at the front desk.  For she is youthful and therefore that much more trusting. Worst case scenario is that it is all guys and some retired war vet standing as security guard named Vince.  But you determine that the one you target-that one that is most youthful, giving and trusting-is not at the front but working the teller station.

You quickly leave the parking lot you used to survey so you will not be detected and you drive down the street another block turn around and enter the parking lot of the bank.  Again, keep in mind you have played out this scenario in your mind OVER AND OVER AGAIN- how quickly you must act-the verbiage you must use- and how fast you must leave the area IN CASE THINGS DON'T GO AS PLANNED.  So you enter the 4 pronged teller station hoping that you enter into the station that just happens to have the teller that you are targeting- THAT PRETTY, YOUNG AND TRUSTING ONE THAT YOU HAD IN MIND!  By an incredible stroke of luck it is her-NO IT'S NOT THE OLDER FEMALE TELLERS WHO ARE MORE WORDLY, KNOWLEDGEABLE AND JADED AND IT'S NOT THE OVERWEIGHT EX VET NAMED VINCE.  NO IT'S HER THE BRIGHTEST APPLE FROM THE TREE-THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO GET NERVOUS- GIVE IN AND GIVE YOU WHAT YOU HAVE WORKED FOR-THAT GREAT PAY OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you pull in and all the while you should be sweating, choking on your greeting as she greets you-but there is something easy about the moment-TOO EASY! YOU FEEL GREAT AS IF EVERYTHING WILL GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH! YOU FEEL LIKE THOSE GUYS FROM THOSE OCEAN'S ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN AND BY NOW FIFTY MOVIES!  You move your RIGHT HAND from underneath the consul. FOR A SPLIT SECOND SHE TURNS AWAY WHILE YOU ASK HER HOW HER WEEK WENT AS BEGINS TO COUNT THE MONEY IN HER HAND.  RIGHT WHEN SHE LOOKS UP WITH A BEAMING SMILE.................................................YOU SAY.....................

"GIVE ME YOUR HEART AND ALL THAT YOU ARE! I THINK YOU ARE SPECTACULAR AND LOVE THE WAY YOU CARRY YOURSELF! YOU ARE INSPIRING!  CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME TO GO OUT FOR A CUP OF COFFEE OR DESERT".  SHE SMILES BACK BUT HANDS ME MY MONEY FROM A PAYCHECK- NOT FROM SOMEONE ELSES- WITH A SHAKY HAND AND VOICE SHE SAYS YES!  I SMILE BACK KNOWING THAT ALL ROBBERS WILL BE JEALOUS IN THE FUTURE-FOR THIS WAS THE GREATEST HEIST OF ALL TIME AND WHAT IS EVEN MORE SPECTACULAR IS THAT IT WILL NEVER INVOLVE...............

PRISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!