Mixed Bag For Christmas (These Socio-Psychological Tools Are Gifts You Can Place Into Your Own Emotional Stocking)

Jay's Story: (What To Do About Those People Who Try To Invalid Your Personal Growth)

Watch out!  Watch out for those people who's insecurities are so great that they cannot stand it when you no longer subscribe to their role they have for you in life.  If they don't change and don't appear to be redeemable, you may have to leave them behind.  WATCH OUT!  WATCH OUT for these tendencies you might have in yourself.

Back around 2015 I started attending an interdenominational church in my hometown as I moved back home from a larger city in the state.  About a year or two into attending I made a church wide announcement that we needed help with some manual labor in our company.  Our pastor introduced me to Jay, who was looking for a job closer to home with less commute time.  In time we hired Jay and he did a good job for us.  Jay was a 'jeckle & hyde' in that there were two sides to him.  For the first year I saw a guy who was astute in study with whatever he desired in regards to educating himself.  He was emotionally and socially mature.  About two years into being around Jay I noticed a pattern so many of us can fall into when if we are not careful concerning the 'monster of insecurity/jealousy.'  Jay had a late father who was a cop and Jay loved law enforcement.  He loved order and was socially conservative.  Jay had applied to the FBI and some police forces but was rebuffed.  So, he went into ministry.  It took me awhile to notice but this issue stayed with Jay in the smallest of ways.  He placed himself as the de - facto security guard for our congregation by appointing himself and some others as guards at the front door.  He would bring a gun to church, when most congregations in town would just have the police ride by.  He also tried to pressure our pastor into nominating him for the highest order of church leadership.  Spiritually, this is a massive NO NO in any church.  As church leadership should always be composed of people who are humble, nominated by the congregation and not actively seeking a position.

In 2017 I had heard of a couple of men in our church competing a workout called the 'Murph Challenge.'  The 'Murph' is a super WOD (Work Out Of The Day) that athletes and 'cross fitters' do each Memorial Day weekend to honor a fallen Navy Seal officer named Michael Murphy.  It combines many elements of Cross Fit and small elements of Navy Seal training.  You have to sign up and donate money in Michael's honor and his family's non profit. You post your results online as it has to be proctored by someone else. It is rigorous and takes months of training for most people to complete.  After hearing about it on some Twitter posts and learning about my pastor and others doing it; I decided I'd train and try it.  Jay idolized our pastor.  Our pastor was fit and athletic.  Jay, liked me but saw me as a lovable and accommodating 'nice guy.'  After all, in Jay's mind he had this paradigm of ranking like we all do with people in our lives.  As a matter of fact, Jay liked to patronize me by trying to minister to me as someone who was not an equal.  He wanted to see me as the new, lonely guy in our church who needed love like a lost puppy. Even though I was at least a decade older than him. When Jay overheard me talking to my father at work about training for the 'Murph' I stated that it might be something I can't do in the end.  I can't remember what Jay said, but I distinctly remember he was passively pleased when he heard me express that I thought I may not complete it.  You see Jay's position for me in his reality, was exactly where he wanted me to be for his emotional security.  Jay knew our pastor had completed the 'Murph' before.  He wanted someone in his camp that had strived but failed. He did not want to see me leave 'his camp' and join the one that he had created emotionally and psychologically for our pastor who he idolized. After disciplined training and even injury I completed the 'Murph' in its purest form 10 months later.  When Jay found out he about hit the wall internally.  He did not say much but his body language stated he perturbed the rest of the day.  It was the beginning of the end of our communication as things got tense between us in the months to come.  A few months later Jay took another job, leaving unrelated to our issue and I never much spoke to him again.

In the future I see more of this happening.  Being single and never married all of these years, I will have a family one day and it will threaten some people emotionally.  It will threaten those who believe I belong in that station below them.  Sure, I'm alright if I'm 'lovable single guy'  who can't seem to get his act together and do the 'normal' things in life.  Yet, how will it go when I'm no longer the guy they can consider when they need to assuage the trauma of losing something in their life. All the sudden when I acquire those things it will be interesting and sad when some, even in my extended family, treat me different due to their insecurities. 

*Reader you need to realize two things:  (1) there are people out there who will be threatened by your mobility in life.  They will have a preconceived notion of where you are status wise in comparison to them.  They will bug out over any success they feel takes you out the 'station in life' their opinion had you in.  All I can say is you have earned the right to mock them.  Do it and enjoy it but don't rub it in as you don't want their 'disease' taking it's own life form in you. These are insecure and toxic people and if they are not family you need to put them behind you.  If they are family and they don't want to change, you may have to put them behind you.  (2)  Each one of us is not immune to jealousy due to insecurity. It is intrinsic and subtle.  We may think we are open minded, secure and giving.  Then we fly off the wall when someone makes more money than we do, gets more acclaim than we have, finds love before or deeper love than we do, becomes more 'spiritual' faster than we do!  The list can go on and on.  But, I can tell you the greatest tool you can give yourself is to become secure in your own successes and even failures.  The last thing you want to be in this world is the guy or gal who feels threatened each time someone else makes a move in life.  You want to be able to celebrate others accomplishments.

MAKE A BEELINE TO WHAT YOU TRULY WANT EVEN IN THE SMALLEST OF INSTANCES

In the summer of 2019 I went overseas for a week to Tanzania with my church.  After the fact, I've been considering what I need to do long term ministry wise each year.  I came to the conclusion that I love California and want to spend a lot of my vacation time there ministering each year.  I love the weather, the altruistic and artistic culture and I'm a big 'hippie' at heart in some regards.  Last week I started to research projects out there to work with and realized they were not directly affiliated with my church denomination.  I knew raising money work them would be a little harder than going to the ones my church was more willing to sponsor.  In my mind I went back and forth.  'Should I compromise and go to one in say a New York City.'  New York is a great place to work in.  It's a great city to help people in, yet it's not the most of what I WANT.   WHAT I FEEL IN MY DEEPEST FIBERS. It's not my emotional FIRST CHOICE!"  'What about Phoenix?  What about Dallas?' Throughout the weekend I was consigned to settle and forget LA and San Francisco, places I truly wanted to be each year.  But, when I got back to work on Monday I realized I needed to weather the inconveniences and push for California over those other opportunities.  I pushed hard and filled out an application for a one week project in LA and one in San Francisco.  God was good in that just by asking for some technical advice a pastor told me our church may be willing to help me.  Both locations were responsive as well.  Now, it appears I'm on track with a plan to making a difference in LA one year and alternate by doing San Francisco the next.  My goal is to fulfill these opportunities each year for a life time and in the process, helping a state I truly love.

*Whether I ended up in New York, Phoenix, Dallas, West Virginia, Los Angeles or San Francisco; in the greater scheme of life those things would not have really mattered.  So many people across the world last week were weighing decisions in their lives so MUCH heavier than that.  Yet, I can testify that getting the 'GOLDEN EGG' concerning your options at times is so healthy for your confidence and peace in life.  Remember there may be times you don't have a choice or only have a choice between difficult or unsatisfactory conclusions.  So reward yourself when you can in the smallest of choices, your emotional state will thank you for it.

I'm dedicating this post to my late Uncle Billy.  We'd go spend pre Christmas in Anniston, AL. to visit Billy one designated Saturday in December and he'd greet us with a hardy battle cry of a local university's football team.  We'd play mini golf on his back porch and watch golfers on the golf course right behind his house.  He'd stand out and watch for traffic when we pulled out of his driveway to go home. You could always spot him in the rear view mirror waving to us until we were both out of sight from one another.  Every year without change.  He was a Harrell through and through.  A family of Americans who can claim descent from an indentured servant coming to America on a dream from Besford, Worcestershire England, named Foulke Harwell.  Merry Christmas Uncle Billy and all fellow Harrells.

RIP William Lamar "Billy" Harrell

'Tales From A Courtroom' (Jack Dawson Morphs Into George Clooney's Danny Ocean)

 It was exactly one month ago to this date, October 12th, that I got into a scuffle over mask protocol with an anti masker.  If you've read my last two posts you knew that already.  Since that time I officially pressed charges after considering a civil suit.  He pressed baseless charges against me for harassment, that led to him striking me physically.   I can say I grew from the experience tremendously.   Yet, I paid a  price emotionally in doing it the right way.  I suffered light but acute anxiety from digestive issues, to hives, to heart palpitations.  I knew I did not technically commit a crime, yet court rooms are much like doctor's offices.  They are sometimes full of bad surprises of information that alter your life, waiting on the other side of a scheduled time slot.  They freak me the hell OUT!  Another challenge presented itself in the fact that the municipality where the incident took place does not have a good relationship with me.  I, like so many others, have openly been critical of police and office staff misconduct in years prior. Besides, when I went to press charges the day after the melee the cop who took my report and their court clerk attempted to discourage me from pressing charges.  The cop even stated I should have been in jail along with the assaulting party. This type of thing would not happen in more progressive communities.  It told me they had some type of anti personal stake against me or some pro stake for the defendant.  I would find out later, partly why. So, I knew there'd be potential 'monkey business' on court day.  But, I knew I earned the right to defend myself, defend civil society from a trouble maker.  I knew cowardice in dropping charges was not an option. I knew by keeping my cool and letting him attack me first my discipline had earned me peace of mind I was not getting into serious trouble.  The emotional pain I had to endure of the unknown was just something I'd have to manage.  To make matters more tense the judge presiding over the case was literally,  my next door neighbor.  As in 'she lived directly across the street from me' type of neighbor.  As in 'she could see me washing dishes through my kitchen window' type of neighbor. 

October was like all even months, a dry one for me alcohol wise.  For health and spiritual reasons I abstain from drinks 6 months a year.  Boy, I felt I could've used some last month too.  I filled the days until my court appearance with copious amounts of cold water therapy, masturbation, deep breathing/meditation and CBD based products.  I refer to my non alcoholic relaxation program as the "Four Troughs!"  Synergized and done back to back they can bring a euphoric relaxation mechanism to brain chemistry busting up the bad effects, chemically of anxiety.

Back in grad school there was a cutting edge technique being taught to us counselor education students in the early 2000's. It was called 'cinetherapy'  The gist of it is that you show a client dealing with a specific problem in life a movie where a character in that movie faces the same challenge they are facing and overcomes it or manages it well.  Then you discuss it with them after the internalized role play.  It is extremely validating, powerful and even effective.  I personally love it and see it as my top two modes of psycho therapy on myself and when I counsel others.  For whatever reason the day before I went to court, Celine Dion's Theme song from Titanic was playing in my head.  So, knowing I needed some emotional tutoring I quickly adopted Jack Dawson, Leonardo DiCaprio's character from the movie.  Like me he had the cards stacked against him, but he believed in his mission of valor, adventure and goodness.  He believed in his affection for something good in his love interest.  Opposition only made him more resolute in his guile and charm.  In the days leading up to my judicial responsibility/challenge, I kept pondering which movie character prototype would I need to play in my mind to over come the anxiety as I met the reality of the moment. I started out as Daniel La Russo and even Johnny Lawrence from the Karate Kid as I ran across that movie the weekend prior.  But, feeling those where too aggressive I finally set on Jack Dawson.  A funny thing happened when I sat down in the court room.  I saw my adversary, the defendant.  I got this calming sensation that I was not in any real legal trouble.  I even went up to the judge, my neighbor, and openly proclaimed my innocence, when she called us to classify with a plea.  I was the only one in the room out of 20 people who did that.  It subjected me to a future trial.  It also made my opposition crack under the presser.  Moments later my lawyer pulled me aside and revealed an amazing fact.  He told me the defendant was a nervous wreck and had been one for the past few weeks.  He was 'wigging out!'   He went on to tell me that the defendant was applying to join the Navy and that he was terrified a conviction would disqualify him from doing so. I bet this could have been one of the reasons I was discouraged from pressing charges. He told me I had a good case against him, but that the coming weeks would be messy.  My attorney told me the defendant's lawyer was begging us to drop the charges.  Being emotionally exhausted myself, but cool as a fox , I patted my lawyer on the should and said something I'll never forget.  "I've put this young man through enough, I made my point. I think he's learned his lesson.  Let's proceed with dropping all charges."  I remember doing it with the slyest smile anyone human could ever muster.  At that moment I knew in my mind I had accomplished everything I'd set out to do.  To take the jerk on an emotional roller coaster only to leave 'em high and dry with the terror of an unknown legal fate.  The whole time in the court room I was composed, relaxed and confident in my body language, even as I felt I wanted to crack up a little. All that time I stared channeling Danny Ocean as he somehow came to mind in the storm of it all.  I knew I'd won and that there was not much more of a reason to put myself through further emotional anguish and exhaustion.  

So, in the end I got convicted of nothing, pleaded innocent in front of my opponent and an entire courtroom, emotionally manipulated a bully, legally for a month causing him to roll over and plead for mercy.  For the past year I'd been praying for Christ to give me a more forgiving heart.  I knew He'd do it.  But, by giving me the opportunity to do it.  Like it or not, this was that moment.  As I left the charging community's municipal building melting back out into my scheduled work day I realized I never got to play the role of Jack Dawson.  It was fate's plan for me to come off sly like Danny Ocean from Ocean's 11, 12 & 13.  It was more satisfying than I could've ever imagined.  Speaking of 'cinetherapy,' the next time you meet one of life's pains or challenges, your imagination will enlighten your path.  It all started with me keeping my cool against an aggressor on a hot October Monday afternoon in a grocery store parking lot.  It led to me handling the situation like a mature adult and not getting into some of the legal trouble I had gotten into regarding similar instances in my twenties.  It ended with me walking out of a courtroom triumphantly feeling like one of George Clooney's most beloved characters, Danny Ocean.  Now, Danny is one of mine as well.

JCB 

11/12/2020

'How Being Confident In Your Decision Making Skills Is One Of The Most Important Gifts You Can Give The World Around You'

 In my last post I briefly told the story of how I got into melee in the parking lot of a grocery store with an anti-masker. It happened in a small Southern town.  The problem with those types of communities is that they have their own sense of code when it comes to what is logical and fair, law wise.  Sure, it would have been better for me to have simply gotten into my car and sped away.  But, I made the decision to stand my ground because I always believe standing up to bullying is essential to making a community stable.  It also does wonders for a person spiritually, psychologically and emotionally.  It gives loved ones the belief that you can be trusted to protect their best interests. 

Most of Alabama is 'deeply red' Republican.  The community, Rainbow City, where the incident occurred is know for a history of strict arbitrary mandates. They even had a problem with police harassment and cases of drugs illegally being planted on people to get them arrested 15 years ago.  Last week when I went to press charges for assault, the cop that was on the scene told me I should be jailed for calling anti - maskers 'assholes' while speaking to the clerk during check out at the super market.  He then told me I should be jailed for physically restraining the guy who hit me.  I have been publicly critical of their squad for years.  It is not beyond the imagination to think they know who I am. The court clerk basically had the same attitude.  I was so flustered by their perspective that I left and told them I may pursue it as a civil matter. I called a lawyer neighbor of mine and she told me I did not have strong case to file suite.  She recommend I go to my original plan and make it a criminal case. After telling my story in it's entirety and in all honesty to three people, including my neighbor, they all say I could have made a smarter decision but that no crime was committed on my part. 

As I went to officially press charges for a second time yesterday, they acted really nervous.  Just like the first time they tried to discourage me from doing so by threatening me with charges of disorderly conduct for 'cussing' and they stated they may even throw the case out. In my written statement concerning all that had happened I told them any type of arrest would prompt me to get an attorney and we would interpret their actions as false imprisonment.  It was obvious I may not get the type of justice that is deserving of such a case.  Sadly, in most more progressive communities I would not have been treated in such a strange way.  Things would have gone as normal.  I can only speculate but it appears the man who hit me, must have some important connections with community leaders and they are trying to 'sweep it under the rug.'  Or they have personal bias against me and don't want to see me 'win' in the legal and ethical way since I did not take the bait and commit a serious offense.  

Reader, I want you to know you will have times in your life when people in power will try to intimidate you into going against your best interests to keep themselves from getting exposed.  They are cowards!  I know this because when I told the clerk who threatened me with petty charges, which would lead to a warrant, which would lead to me having to go the jail for '30 minutes; that people have told me I technically committed no crime, she became really flustered and asked who told me that.  The conversation downgraded to being personal and non professional. I told her it was non of her business.  

So now, I got the kind of hand I want in this card game.  Sure, I wish I did not have to play at all, but life is messy at times and brings you into situations you don't want. And I can say this: I'M ABSOLUTELY WILLING TO GO TO JAIL FOR A FEW MINUTES AND BAIL OUT IF I HAVE TO SEEK JUSTICE AND LAND THE GUY WHO ASSAULTED ME IN JAIL AS WELL.  Yes, going to court is nerve wracking.  But, I think the price for not standing up for my self and what I think is just would be so much worse.  It would stay with me for a life time. I think the cowards are starting to see that.  More than likely the case will be dropped as it is a certainty that if I get charged the antagonizing party will most certainly have to go to jail.  Then, I will tell my story in the more fair, public court of sentiment. I will use the power of the pen. 

*Reader,  understand something.........that the greatest gift you can give yourself is the belief that you are right in your convictions.  Don't let them go, even as the fear of threats come upon you.  This gift you give yourself translates onto others you care about without you even noticing.  It may take pain and time, but life has a way of always rewarding those who are upright and stand by their convictions.

John

October 22, 2020

'Is The Woman Who Wants The "Bad Boy" Worth Dating? Read To Find Out'

 There are many ways to define a bad boy.  Some say it is someone who gets into trouble, usually starting it.  Some more astute observers state that it defines a guy who stands by his beliefs and is confident in his convictions particularly if they lead to the good of society.  A guy who is willing to pay the negative cost, even unto himself to get justice, or to defend what is right, even if he has to ruffle some conventional feathers.

There are basically three groups of women. Some girls, while young, gravitate toward the 'bad boy.'  This can be due to mystique, fun or the confidence he exudes.  They may be attracted to his ability to 'raise caine'  or get into conflict, be tuff or cause mischief.  Later they outgrow this mindset.  Others never out grow it.  The third group are never attracted to this dating archetype to begin with.  So which type of woman should you avoid out of these three?  Which type may not have the maturity to be datable? After all, we all have seen 'bad boys' and if they are misguided in their thinking, the havoc they can bring to their own lives and the world around them.

This was paradigm I began to consider last week as I was assaulted in the parking lot of a grocery store for complaining to a cashier about how so many other patrons were not wearing masks.  A man standing in line behind me took exception to my comment and followed me out to my car.  I stood my ground and did everything legally responsible.  He did not and punched me,  I restrained him until some witnesses were able to determine what happened and just a split second enough for the police to arrive.  If the case is not thrown out we will have a court date. One that will proclaim I'm not in too much legal trouble and he........well......it will hurt his future I can tell you that.  SELF CONTROL is one of the most tremendous gifts you can ever give yourself.

Was the guy who hit me a 'bad boy?'  Probably not, more than likely he was mentally ill or really having a bad day and had some type of impulse control disorder.  Some women out there would be attracted to a guy like that.  MEN, THOSE ARE THE WOMEN YOU SHOULD AVOID AT ALL COSTS. THERE IS SOME IMMATURITY THERE THAT WILL NOT TAKE YOU TO THE BEST PLACE IN REACHING YOUR POTENTIAL AS A SPOUSE OR INDIVIDUAL. GUYS, GIVE WOMEN A CHANCE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO THOSE MEN WHO HAVE PASSION BUT KNOW HOW TO HARNESS IT JUSTLY, PRODUCTIVELY AND DEFINITELY LEGALLY.

*MEN, IF YOU EVER COME ACROSS A WOMAN WHO LOVES MEN WHO EXUDE EQUALITY, ALTRUISM, COMPASSION, WISDOM AND SELF CONTROL AND PUT THEM AT A PREMUIM, THEN DON'T ASK QUESTIONS................YOU MARRY HER!

John 

10/22/2020

'The Importance Of Realizing The Secondary Factors In Romance'

 Obviously, I'd always dated American women, because of having lived in America and never having traveled anywhere else until high school.  Particularly before the advent of the internet.  During the past four years I have been exposed to people from Indonesia, Brazil and Britain and it's colonies (South Africa).

I met Lee in mid July on a Christian app.  I, still not having a family of my own have really only had one hard dating rule.  It states that I will date almost anyone who is a decent person.  Yet, in the more fine print it read like this.  I'd absolutely date people with children as long as: they would want more with me or if they were adopted.  Of course, I'd also date people who did not have children or did not want children.  About the only thing I'd not want to do was date someone who had biological children but would not want anymore (I've been getting burned by this lately and am seeing I may have to change my thinking)  From my perspective my self-esteem is built up in a way that allows me to believe that I'm not as much of a man if I don't have my own offspring.  Yeah, it's irrational, destructive and stupid, yet it is a persistent caveat of how I see myself in the world.  Now, I have been praying some that God would take it out of my mode of thinking.  Yet, it is well - lodged.  My logic in all of it is that: If I marry someone who has had children but can't or does not desire to do it with me, then it would isolate me in the experience of being able to do something in life that most everyone gets to experience.  I just would not want to look across a table at someone during breakfast, regretting that I had not experienced fatherhood and she have no clue what I was feeling.  That she could not fight that battle alongside me because she had never gone through it herself.  I would hate to feel like a substitute or a stand in father to her children as well.  There would always be this feeling that I came up short in life in some way.  So, when I read Lee's profile it was a rare opportunity to reach out to someone I could start a 'clean slate' with in life.  She had a child but he was adopted.  Technically, she had no biological children. Just what I was looking for..............in the event I was called not to have my own children. The next best thing in other words.

She had that classic British accent of a Leslie Anne Down.  She, being up in Maryland and I in Bama, encouraged us to used Snap Chat to date long distance in this time of Covid.  Things moved along fantastically as we met every week and used our imaginations to play charades and other games people would play in person.  Two weeks later I took her on a virtual hike up a mountain trail in my hometown of Gadsden, AL.   We had gotten to the point by mid August for me to offer the suggestion we meet in person and for her to be comfortable with it.  Being the gentleman I offered to do it on her home turf in the metro D.C. area.  So, we agreed on the third weekend of September over Labor Day.

In the weeks leading up to my trip I felt nothing but enthusiasm.  Our texts of encouragement and hour long, Sunday night chat sessions provided me, us no indication we were on a path not meant to be.  We were certainly mature and committed enough to handle the distance between us.  I even started dwelling on what a life would be like living in Maryland.  During the week leading up to visiting, I felt a strange feeling of vague duty instead of zeal.  I began to sense that driving up would be more of a chore.  I felt like I wanted to stay home in Alabama.  I could not explain why though,  my feelings were mysterious and felt baseless.  On the drive up I felt the same numb, throbbing sensation of dissatisfaction about the whole experience to come.  All through the weekend that pulsing, dissatisfaction turned into full blown 'homesickness' and disillusionment. We toured the National Mall in Washington and our time was cordial.  Yet, it felt processed and not as organic or joyful as our weeks before.  I felt lonely, even walking beside another person around a beautiful city.  I knew for certain I never wanted to live in Maryland with her.  All of the sudden I felt like I would not be a quality husband for her and a strong father for her son.  I felt more like a squatter on a dynamic that I was not meant to live in.  I was surprisingly disappointed. Not, just in the experience but in my self, for not being able to conjure up the excitement I was able to lead us into earlier in the summer.  Her body language showed it, mine showed it.  Yet, I'm a good actor in such things and did my best to relive our short past.  By the end of our time on Saturday night it was evident we were just on some unspoken social contract of politeness.  I made the drive back on Sunday morning with a distinct fear we would have to talk or if we proceeded on..............I'd GULP.....potentially have to move to Maryland if we married.  Wednesday, I was relieved to get her early morning text message that she felt something was off.  I sadly, told her I had felt the same way and promised to explain more through a heartfelt e-mail, further explaining what I was wrestling with.  We had come to an end!

So what happened?  How could two people with so many goals in common, so many interests aligned, with so much glee disintegrate away from each other?  One obvious, cliche factor was that meeting in person shattered fantasy.  Reality always does that.  Two people had to finally realize a future together now more in person and all the factors that could sabotage it.  In the most basic, human terms we both got around each other and thought the other was 'uglier than a bowling shoe,' as we say here in Alabama. It was the stark reality of not being on paper or on a computer screen anymore.  But, the most powerful factor was deeper and even supernatural.  IT WAS HER SON!  An issue she or I never really accounted for. More specifically, it was God protecting her son.  In the days before I left my parents were praying for clarification for the both of us.  Even weeks before I visited, strange things started to happen where God was directing us away from each other.  My Snap Chat was hacked and disabled directly after our virtual 'hiking date.'  The week before leaving, I felt like I really wanted to stay in Alabama.  The intense feeling of my mysterious longing for Alabama, while with her in Washington demonstrated proof as well.  God has a way of directing the most minute details in our inclinations.  I've gone on dates with women over in Atlanta and never felt homesick over there.  I've flown out to the west coast to socialize and felt like it was a second home. I'd even flirted with a business associate out of Chicago and never felt reserved about spending time with her up there.  There was no logical reason for me to feel this way about this paradigm.  But, I did.  It was alarming and surprising.  All through this God was protecting her son.  He was protecting a young man who had just moved from a continent away (South Africa) with Lee to a new country and culture, just a few months prior.  To a country in great turmoil.  He was keeping him from the potential trauma of having to start over again in Alabama.

For the first time in my life I realized love sometimes spreads a net outward from the two parties in the center of it.  It can advise us that the most loving thing to do, is to cut that net so that it does not incumber third parties.  Virginia's Shenandoah Valley is beautiful this time of year, as my drive home whispered to me.  So, is God's protection. So are old memories of people you have to let go of.  So are new opportunities of romances to come.

J.C.B.

9/24/2020  

💔💗

"A Journey Into Body Sculpting" (How It Changed Me Physically & Psychologically)

Like some people I've always had these personal challenges I've put on the back burner for years.  On April 20th of this year I learned I'd be partially laid off until the first of August.  I realized then that I finally had the time to conquer those personal challenges I'd set out for myself.  First there was the jog to the tower up on Green Mt in mid May.  I wanted to accomplish that without walking,even one second.  Then there was a one mile swim from one bridge to another in my local river basin I wanted to finish. I did it the third Wednesday in May.  Ever since I was in college I wanted  to see if I could 'body sculpt' to the point where I could get the "six pack."  Now, I've gotten several 'six packs' in my life!  Just the one's that contain beer.

When you are over, say 25, as I am. And you are not genetically wiry, as I am; there is only really one way to get a true body sculpt to the point where you look like someone out of 'Men's Magazine.'  That being anabolic steroids. Or having a photographer photo shop. And there is no way I've ever done or will do that to my body.  There is no way I will ever do that to my personal brand. So, in late May when I finally accepted this challenge for myself I  knew I had to act about perfect to pull it off. I MEAN..............PEERRRFFFEEECCCTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I officially end my challeng/experiment on July 31st.  Here are some of the documented good things that have occurred and some of the terribly negative things that have happened.

V-shred, which I don't recommend totally but in parts, demonstrated a decent way to 'chisel' to the point where a man will see enough definition in his torso to have the vaunted 'six pack.'  I watched their introductory video without having to buy the program ( I can do that since I once was a personal trainer at Gold's Gym, in the mid 2000's) This was my complete schedule from late May until June 27th.

Mondays: Cross fit (40 yard half to 3/4 sprints to stations where kettle bells where used for upper and lower body resistance lifting - 40 minutes to an hour) 20 percent carb vs. 80 percent plants and proteins diet (2 meals a day only).

Tuesdays & Thursdays: (22 minute high impact interval training sessions first thing in the morning)
stretching with yoga or gravity boots for about 10 minutes) diet - no carbs or sugars at all just all plants and proteins (2 meals a day only).

Wednesdays: open water swim sessions in local river for one mile with fins. (20 percent carb vs. 80 percent plants and proteins diet.  2 meals a day only (lunch & dinner)

Fridays:  Full body (chest, arms torso and legs) resistance weight training with free weights and machines for specialized muscle groups. Then 30 minutes of 3/4 to full sprints of 50 yards with walking or jogging back to point of start. (2 meals a day only - 20 percent carbs vs. 80 percent plants and proteins)

Saturday & Sunday (rest and stretch)  one 'cheat meal' on weekends. Walk dog through neighborhood. (2 meals only) zero carbs on total rest day.

In late June I tried the ice packs on those harder to chisel areas around the belly button and flanks.  You must be careful as this can do irreparable damage to the skin.  It worked as my belly lost 1/3 of an inch after one :30 minute session of ice packs.  My flanks lost some but were still viewable.  Also, in late June I bought 'Men's Shredded' fat burning supplements and thought I was going to have a heart attack the last Wednesday of the month after a 1 mile swim.  My blood pressure went up and I felt like the top of my head was going to blow off.  It was due to the irregular breathing you have to perform while swimming. I was relaxed from the swim and oddly enough had soaring blood pressure all at the same time.  It was the strangest 'high' I'd ever had.   It subsided after about two hours.

THE GOOD:

Going through this challenge/experiment caused me to obtain the most rigid diet I've ever tried.  I genetically have a bad 'sweet tooth' and I had to significantly cut down on sugars.  I also went without alcohol for all of the month.  I saw my torso grow more v-shaped and my chest much more defined.  I lost about 7 pounds, slept better, became more flexible, became more confident, had better stamina cardio wise and had a more relaxed state of mind.  By eating less carbs I was able to stay cooler in the heat and humidity of an Alabama summer.  I also saved money as my menu was much more restrictive. Most all pockets of white fat had been melted away.

THE BAD:

When a person works hard for something, whether that be self improvement or for money there is a tendency to become obsessive. The reason being, they want to reward themselves psychologically for all the sacrifice and hard work.  Such was the case all through June.  I began to see myself staring into the mirror about every 20 minutes throughout the day.  I also became vain in how I saw myself and the world around me.  I hardly ever let by an opportunity to show myself off  while not wearing a shirt.  I obtained this unhealthy mindset where I wanted to show my torso any chance I got that was appropriate to the situation.  Every time I jogged I made sure it was at the busiest intersections in town so I could be seen. I also became somewhat stressed as I could not enjoy alcohol which can mellow people out.  I stayed away from friends at local pubs because I knew it would tempt me to enjoy time with friends by drinking.  I also picked up smoking about once a week (cigars and CBD cigs) to replace the alcohol I wanted to mellow me out.  Due to emotional stress from my personal life, plus a rigid diet, plus unhealthy supplements; I developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome in late June.  I felt so bad the last Monday of the month that I thought I had contracted Covid 19.  I almost went for a lab result but recognized some old symptoms from my past bouts with the disorder and began a peppermint and tea regimen mixed in with massage therapy. I also risked damaging my skin by cold burns with homemade ice packs. I did not want to take the time to buy 'em professionally. First thing in the morning was always the best it ever got for me definition wise.  One drop of water, one pill of supplements and that natural bloating would dissipate those angles of sight in those muscles you worked so hard to expose.  You pretty much had to walk right outside the house and start showing yourself off the moment you woke up.

THE OUTCOME:

For someone over 35 who lives in a terrible place when it comes to eating a healthy diet (Alabama means fried foods, sweet tea, alcohol and no exercise) and who is build like an alligator (short limbs and a long torso) I am fairly pleased with the results so far.  Being that I've not cheated with steroids. By week four I started to see my obliques become sunken behind my belly.  My flanks (love handles) became smaller to non existent. By week five, in certain natural lighting, I did see some of what body builders and posers call a 'six pack' (defined rectus abdominus). But, it is not apparent in every type of lighting (meaning I have a little more to do.)  I have told myself I am done on July 31st no matter what I look like then.  I have technically accomplished my goal, yet I feel like I am enslaved by the process and I am not enjoying life as I should. I miss my good foods and drinks, along with a moderate/healthy diet and reasonable workout regimen.  In other words, the way I used to do it. July, will be a month of more intensive dieting. And unfortunately, more obsessive and vain show casing of my torso when I get the chance at local pools or while running through town. All of those June HIIT (High Impact Interval Training) sessions will evolve into painful 20 minute workouts in 55  degree spring fed ponds to maximize even more calorie burn.  Of course, unhealthy supplements will still be for breakfast even though I'm technically skipping breakfast due to a one year intermittent fasting diet. They will eventually run out by late this month.  Thank heavens! Although, I will have my first beer again tonight those will be few and far between until September 1st. All in all I am glad I finally tried this as it will get harder and harder to accomplish as I age.  I am also glad I discovered how toxic it can be for the soul and the mind.  I totally understand why models and body builders get paid good money. If I had to do this to my body, year round,  I'd demand to be compensated well to.  Going away, I will never go back to the way I looked before I started my challenge/experiment.  Then again, I did not look bad before anyway.  But, I will also be physically fit in moderation with a healthy looking 'normal' physique!'  There will be no more vanity in regards to how I perceive I look with my shirt off. By winter I may not have a 'six pack' as much any more but I will be much more appealing to others with who I am in accepting myself for myself.................for better and NOT WORSE!

Sincerely,


'Enslaved & Exhausted Body Builder'

J.C.B.  (July 1st 2020)

Of Murderers & Masturbators (Comical Look At Sexuality In the Conservative South)

I'd just sat down for lunch at the Ferguson Student Center on the campus of the University of Alabama.  It was the fall of 1997. In a series of monthly meetings with Billy, a local minister who helped students stay on the 'straight and narrow' away from home, I saw this one as run of the mill, like all of the others before.  But, this time Billy presented more focus with clarity in his voice.  We began to discuss sin and how we are full of it.  I took a bite out of my Chik - Fil - A sandwich and watched Billy narrow his eyes.

         " Son, you have to face the fact.  You don't tell the truth at times.  You hate and get angry at                    people at times.  
            You are a liar, a murder..............YOU'RE ................. A..................... MASTURBATOR!"

At that moment time seemed suspended.  In my mind's eyes I could see myself at the eternal throne of judgement we all face in the next life.  I could see God going through a great book counting every sin I'd ever committed.  I could see him saying son................................you'll make it to heaven...............BUT...............................................................first you must face 10 years of hell..................because.................YOU'RE A MASTURBATOR!    I took another bite and snapped back out of it.  By now I was just trying to do everything I could not laugh out hysterically.  For Billy was dead serious and I did not wanna' disrespect time an adult would take out of his schedule to provide guidance to a fledgling like me. Of course I got home and told my roommate of the meeting and we had a dandy of a time discussing it.  We even implemented it into Hank Williams Jr. songs over beer.  "And old Jim Beam caused him to be a 'TABLE THUMPIN' MASTURBATOR."  I guess when you're laughing and having beer you can make up your own humorous lyrics to any ole' country tune.

But, all banter aside, thinking back on the story made me recount all the others and how most all teenagers have to face such shame, fear and remorse concerning the matter.  Adults, particularly here in hyper conservative, Alabama can recount those times of teenage angst in having to reconcile their spiritual obligations to their unadulterated hormones.  It was nothing uncommon for a buddy and myself to make a Near Year's Eve resolution pact for each year in jr. high school to not commit the 'FIVE KNUCKLE CHUCKLE'................................all 365 days of the new year.  What was funny was we actually believed we could pull it off.   Now, imagine that.................. a teen aged boy or girl trying with all that pent up sexual mojo........ to go a full year.   By late January we were climbing the walls like feral cats...............both inside and outside our homes.  By Valentine's Day it was obvious we had to wait until late December to TRY AGAIN!  Then you had all of those rumors you'd believe..................................THE OLE' CLASSICS EVERYONE HAS HEARD.................You'll go blind or bald or grow a back full of hair and become casted as the next sasquatch in an indie film.  Meanwhile some of the pastors who told you "you were shaking hands with the devil." were spotted in the news papers taking showers with eight year old boys.     But, at least they weren't MASTURBATORS! I had one friend, even a few years ago, tell me he read where a minister wrote for people experiencing "those feelings" to lay down and look up at the stars.  That it would take care of things.  I guess as long as you didn't see a constellation that resembled a naked woman or man...................YOU'D BE O.K.   But, I digress.........................

I once made a girl I was dating in my twenties really mad one time. I told her I was real 'handy' around the house.  She must have thought I meant I kept mine up well and could've come over to help her at her place.  She was so disappointed to find out other wise........(smh)  Suffice it to say, there is only one person I knew who honestly claimed he'd never given in to the panic. I BELIEVE 'em!  Cause in early adulthood he ended up going crazy!

By now I hope you're laughing and reminiscing back to a time when everything seemed so literal.  When one slight of hand, pun intended, could determine your eternal fate.  This column is to bring about a light hearted gift in a world now which brings shocking uncertainty each passing hour.  Don't forget to laugh.  May you MASTER all temptations and challenges set before you.


Sincerely,



 J.C.B.

"Quick- Pick A Fictional Character You Are Most Like"

Reader,

 I have a challenge for you:  Think back to any type of t.v. show or movie flick and determine which character it is who makes you say: " WHOEVER WROTE THIS SCRIPT WAS OBSERVING MY LIFE WITHOUT ME EVER KNOWING!"

Like so many others, due to the pandemic I have binged on t.v. reruns and movies on dvd.  With regular programming having gone kaput, as has my old dvd player, I met a problem of my own. I had to watch WHAT I WANTED TO WHEN I WANTED TO without advertisement tagging words such as: curbside or phrases such as: "we will get through this together" BLAH!!!!!!!!!  I was fried and I needed change.  So, I did the sensible thing and hijacked my parent's player.  I retreated into the comfy world of old "How I Met Your Mother" reruns and 'Zoolander' (which I still believe with all of my heart could cure some health problems and bring world peace)  Yes, it manipulates body chemistry THAT MUCH.  I did finally view 'Joker' with Joaquin Phoenix.  Of all the people in the world he is the one person I'd sit down to a drink with and have conversation.  I don't get star struck easy. I'm not an 'airport' autograph seeker at all, yet that guy really intrigues me. He's an absurdly, amazing talent! 

In forming a character; script writers, show runners and television writers commonly draw from someone in real life.  It can be a single person or it can be an amalgamation of people morphed into one composite. As I viewed all of these shows and movies I began to see STRIKING similarities concerning my personality and life perspective from two in particular:

Hansel McDonald (played by Owen Wilson) 'ZOOLANDER'

Male modeling aside, this character is so much like me in how I love to experiment.  Some people are foodies, I love new, challenging and visceral experiences.  Since I have been partially laid off until mid summer, I've picked the most physically undesirable activities in which to participate; around my North Alabama home. I believe I invented extreme jogging (jog up 30 - 40 % gradient, tailored slopes on streets and trails) in the Appalachian foothills for a mile.  Done multiple mile SUP and open water swim sessions together with and against currents in a local river basin. Body surfed in 5 foot Gulf chop on a red flag designated FL. beach for a one day turn around during a 600 mile round trip.  I did all of it BECAUSE I WAS BORED AND I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE THE HIGH THAT COMES FROM THAT TYPE OF  EXERTION.  This a trait, or character flaw to most anxious wives, mothers and girlfriends; which I received from my dad. I ALSO DID IT BECAUSE I COULD MAKE UP MY OWN RULES. I COULD MAKE UP AN EVENT CREATED BY MY OWN REALITY. It's safe to say Hansel would be proud to know that one of my favorite new weekly activities is bathing with organic soap in a 55 degree spring fed creek while ingesting CBD oil.  It is always about the experience with me.  It always will be.

Ted Mosby (played by Josh Radnor) 'HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER'

The modern dating world is extremely superficial, crass and self-serving.  I've been dinged up a lot over the past half decade.  Yet, like Ted I'm always the hopeful optimist and I LOVE romance and doing things like John Cusack did in 'Say Anything.'  For the right gal, I'd steal a blue French horn from an establishment and risk getting arrested.  I've attempted to learn Portuguese before to communicate with an amazing Brazilian women I met on Facebook by simply saying hello a few years back ( I gotta say it is a mildly difficult language to learn and it is harder than Spanish). In spite of all of these similarities I stand out from Ted in that I set better boundaries in the types of women or people in general I let into my life.  If I feel someone carries a superficial or self-serving personality I become assertive and guard myself against such a person. I've also become proficient at rejecting situations that could harm me emotionally or are not productive in romantically.   It comes from dating during my twenties and not having any boundaries or self control and facing loads of pain and emasculation.  I guess that's just part of aging.  You become more wise to the world around you.  Anyway, Ted would be proud to know I've returned to dinner parties before to look for the same women I chatted with for a New York minute months before at the same meetup group. Just as he did during the "Slutty Pumpkin" episode in Season # 1.  I could absolutely relate to that episode, even as elements of it were not realistic. I'd never carry it that far myself, personally. 

So reader, as we get out more into society again, but still hunker down at times.....................next time you seek entertainment - ask yourself the fun question: WHICH T.V. OR SILVER SCREEN CHARACTER MOST PORTRAYS ME IN REAL LIFE?

J.C.B.

5/20/2020

"Is Good Friday & Easter Really So Good?"

So I get an e-mail from my church with a challenge of sharing my faith to the world at large through social media. A mandate to testify, spiritually why I believe what I believe. A few things can go through a person's head when they are met with such an impassioned challenge.  What I want to share is not so much why I believe what I believe, I feel that will take care of itself. I'm not going to try to share why you, reader should to.  That is not fully my place and I'm fearful Christianity has done a horrific job in these politicized times, to make anything 'Christian' appear: myopic, fake, politically far right, ignorant, uncaring, critical, judging, bigoted and rejecting.  Sadly, some people who call themselves 'Christian' have displayed all of those qualities. They have used their false perspective of Christ to promote some selfish political agenda. As a matter of fact, if I did not believe what I believe I personally would not at all want anything to do with some of these 'Christians.'

Then I look at my life and see how I fall short as well:  I have trouble forgiving, at times I emphasize money and status, I'm critical, I'm lustful, I can be dishonest, I'm ungrateful, I lack faith, I've gotten drunk in the past to solve my emotional pain, I've broken minor laws in the past to get arrested and on and on and on. So, I sit here honestly wondering what I have to offer the world around me right now that would:

(1) Make it believe I'm not like every other hypocritical 'Christian' who has nothing to offer save for self righteous judgement.

(2) Allow the world to see true faith in a different light.

Reader, here is the sobering news. I cannot do a thing to make you believe in the true meaning of Easter and Good Friday.  

Although, it is my job to partly show you traits of Christ through a holy life lived in Him,  I don't have the ability to make you believe in Him.  Whewww!  I'm so glad that is the case.  Because if it was up to me to take you into a positive afterlife you'd most certainly be in trouble.  See, reader I fear now that since you know this about me you will be watching more carefully what I say, what I post online, what I listen to, what I watch etc.  Listen, as much as I try to live 'RIGHT' day to day you will still see me fall and fail.  Hopefully, as I grow in Christ more and more it will be less and less me and MORE AND MORE HIM BEING MAGNIFIED IN MY SHORTCOMINGS. So, I courageously press on here.

CHRIST is the one who knocks at your door to take you to an afterlife that deletes all the pains you will experience here on earth.  He will even be a source of comfort for when you are experiencing them in the here and now.  He knocked on my door and I finally opened it on July 18th 1990 in Fort Walton Beach, FL. at a youth camp called BREAKAWAY.  Each year I celebrate two birthdays.  My biological birthday May 29th and my spiritual birthday July 18th.  I treat them the same and even have dinner and a birthday cake with friends each July 18th.  I was physically born in Gadsden, AL. and spiritually born in Ft. Walton Beach, FL. When we look around in the world most all religions have a rigorous set of rules, mantras, creeds and things YOU have to do to find: peace, eternity, fulfillment, acceptance, enlightenment, clarity etc.  The amazing thing about Christ is that you have to simply believe:  HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOUR SINS AND REPENT OF THOSE SINS. (remember- don't worry you will still sin, you will just have someone who you can come to to wash them clean each time out through confession)  A moment ago I shared with you why people don't want to believe in Christ.  That being, because, people who call themselves His followers constantly let the world down.  That is a valid reason.  But, another primary one is that just BELIEVING SOMETHING SOUNDS TOO SIMPLE.  It sounds too 'elementary school' folklore. We are taught that we live in a world where 'nothing good comes easy, unless we work hard to obtain it.  It stands to reason for some that SOMETHING SO SPLENDID (I.E. eternity in Heaven with Christ and loved ones gone before and peace here on earth) has to take work, has to be earned.  Friend, it DOES NOT.  It never did.  My parents prayed for me for years when I was a child.  Because I was so rebellious in attitude.  I know that at 14 years of age the prayer I made to ask Christ come into my heart was so natural and EFFORTLESS it had to be VALID!

Reader, as time goes on I hope my life magnifies this message.  I fall short and unfortunately, there will be times it may not.  But, I absolutely want you to hold me accountable.  More importantly, I want you to know He (Christ) will never let you down.  He is perfect in every way, even as his followers (true ones, not false ones) try but fail at times.

Since 1990 I've grown in my faith. I've suffered tremendous pain (accepting Christ does not shield you from the world, he just gives you a rock to lean upon). I've seen Him do some amazing faith building things in my life. In all of this it has been a journey worth starting.

*For anyone needing clarity concerning Christianity and faith in Christ - Timothy Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian and his churches across America (Headquarters in NYC) is an excellent start who tailors the message of Christ in a modernistic way that is understandable to our generation. I encourage you to download his podcast, sermons, read his teachings and visit his church in NYC or their affiliates across America. I also encourage you to go to a bible believing church and get counsel from a trusted pastor who lives a Godly lifestyle. Happy Easter!

Much Love In His Blood,


Your Both Failing, Yet Conquering Friend All In One

j.c.b.

Coping With Corona Virus - A Paradigm Shift

Reader,

I come to you this morning saying something that may sound crass.  This social distancing thing has been fairly easy for me.  The fear of myself or loved ones getting sick has not brought me much anxiety.  Here is why:

I have been through more painful experiences before.  At times I'm still realizing them. I can remember my grandfather having to tell me I was in the pre stages of skin cancer back in 08' and to come in for a lab result. I guess southern boys like to ride around with their shirts off a little too much.  I know what it is like to live alone for extended periods of time only to wake up with yourself each morning and wonder if that will change.  I know what it is like to realize your life is a lot different than all those you graduated with and to want what they have. I know what it is like to feel that no one understands what you are experiencing, even as an adult. And just this year I watched two family members who I could confide in and who's peculiar personalities melded really well with mine, pass away in consecutive months.  For whatever reason I could reach inside them deeply when others could not.  I know what it is like to blow thousands of dollars in hiring people to help you find romance only to see it not work.  I know what it is like to piss away a relationship, FOREVER, with the best woman a man could ever have; in your early twenties.  I know what is like to realize the regret and results of my inability in that is much worse than I could have imagined.  I know people say things are not as bad as they seem, but some times in life they can be worse. I know what it is like to get fired from multiple jobs in my twenties and early thirties. I know what it is like for people to doubt me.  Boy, do I ever!  I could go on.  Some others of us could as well reader.

I know you know that these are painful, fearful and uncertain times.  Yes, it will be strange to go back to an establishment to eat only to find some friendships you enjoyed with staff there will never be realized again. In a way it will feel like it does when we were in school and starting over each year with a new teacher and in some cases - classmates. I write this synopsis of my testimony to demonstrate to you what you have to do to make it through this.  That being, you need to draw upon past painful experiences and let them strengthen you for our present battle.  Listen, I know it sounds counter intuitive.  Trust me, you will need to mix in this sour with all of the sweet you are using to make it through.  When I look back on those dynamics and even some I'm going through now, I see how this issue today does not match up.  Back when Bear Bryant was coaching the University of Alabama football team he made practices so hard that his players would say the games felt like fun and they were easier.  You need to drawn from an experience from your past that makes coping with today's world feel easier.  Please, understand I am not minimizing what we are all going through, yet I can promise you there are some of us who are more battle tested than what this issue is offering.  If there are some of you out there not as battle tested - then seek and confide in those that are from an emotional standpoint...............................................

NOW THE SWEET

Many people I know who are my age seek the 90's when they want to heal with nostalgia.  Some like the grunge music or they like Seinfeld.  I made some poor decisions which caused some self -inflicted heartache in the 90's which caused me to have an unfavorable opinion of that decade as I was living in it.  Now, I just have an even perspective on that time in my life.  I go back and listen to music or watch old episodes of Wings.  Yet, although I don't hate that decade, I also don't love it either.  I can take it or leave it.

When I really want to heal and get my second wind I retreat back into the 80's.  To me that was the last period of my life before I was either a teenager suffering from insecurities or a college student overwhelmed with thoughts about what I'd be doing with my life. Or now in these times what I've done wrong in my life. As a matter of fact I often tell people I wish I could have been coming of age or had been a young adult in the 80's or even the 70's.   I also feel that, that time span had the best sitcoms, movies and the best pop music/culture in our history.  I have spent the last several days back in that decade, and I can say how magical, how creative it was then.....................and how visceral it is now.  Here is what I want to recommend to lift your spirits

I watched Teen Wolf with Michael J. Fox last week and laughed until I thought I'd get sick.  It is more of an under the radar coming of age movie that is a little less know than some others. But man, it will do the job. Here are some songs videos I've been healing with the past few days:

Dan Hartman: I Can Dream About You

Irene Cara: What a Feeling (Flashdance soundtrack)

Squeeze: 853-5937

Mike Reno (Loverboy) & Ann Wilson: Almost Paradise

How I'm coping:

DO NOTS:

Watch the news hardly at all. It is full of negative and sometimes sensationalized information that can cause anxiety. I limit it to once a week or so to see if there is new medical advice....that is it.

Watch the president's state of the union address.  This is not to be political at all.  Yet, he says crazy things then some interviewer with an opposing political perspective will say condescending things and you have a great big argument and have wasted much of your time.  You are basically watching two people act like children.

Hang out on social media too long.  I know, you're saying wait a minute that is how I connect and stave off loneliness.  True, yet there are better ways to do that where you don't have to see news feeds of someone having the life you want and think you lack.......or someone sharing false  information that can be stressful, inflammatory political statements,  or you have hackers (in my case lately on FB) or more news that can be stressful.  When we are anxious we are more prone to addiction and unfortunately, social media and the t.v. can fuel it.

Drink alcohol.  I'm going completely dry until July (my new slogan and goal)

DO's:

Contact people the old fashion way by (letter, phone call)  Use text and Messenger but do it sparingly.

Be creative.  Now is the time to write new poetry, music, love letters - make more visual art

Temperature therapy:  Hot bath or cold bath.  Temperature extremes can be chemically therapeutic, which means they help emotionally.

Eat dark chocolate and take CBD derivatives.

Do stretching and deep full breathing exercises.

Pick a past decade and escape back into it's pop culture.

Let this wave of change wash out some people or relationships that were not healthy and affirming.

Let this be an opportunity to meet new people when we are able.

Pray, because God cares and He is in control.

Being a 'sea horse' by nature I love water and I have made a commitment to myself that I'm going to learn how to surf when things get back to normal.  Take care and God Bless

J.C.B.