Irreverent Study of Adolescence In The South (Jewish vs. Gentile)

   Everyone knows that Jewish culture has a period where young men and women are ceremoniously introduced into adulthood.  Their rituals as are known are called Bar Mitzva and Bat Mitzva.  What society does not know is that Gentile, southern, suburban and agrarian America also has a "coming of age" ritual, where sons and daughters are passed into adulthood mirroring their Hebrew counter parts.  The ritual of Bar Mitzva means Son of Commandment.  The Gentile ritual is known as Son of a Bitch (for girls it's just Bitch). Since I have a P.H.D in sociology I thought I would introduce this social phenomenon by comparing and contrasting elements from both of them.  Study them thoroughly as you may be tested.

                                                                                                  
                                                                                                               
                                                                                              


Bar/Bat Mitzva "Son/Daughter of Commandment"                                   

(1) Meticulous study and memorization                                   
     of portions of Torah (Brachot-speak                                         
     Maftir-read and the Haftarah, d, var                                            
     Torah also "The calling up on the                                             
     1st Sabbath of the 13th birthday)                                             
                                                                                                        
(2) "The Se'udah" (celebratory feast where                             
        child is honored)                                                                
                                                                                                          
(3) Lavish parties                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
                                                                                                         
(4) Gifts: books with religious value,                                              
      religious items, writing implements                                           
      and monetary items
                                                                                                    
(5)   Completing a Tzedakeh (event to                                             
        raise money for a charity of the                                               
        Bar Mitzva's choice)                                                                  
                                                                                                         
(6)   Family of the Bar Mitzva often                                              
       honored with an "Aliyah" i.e.                                             
       calling family up to podium.                                                       
       Torah is passed from grandfather/Mother                                              
       to father/mother to 13 year old    




Gentile "Son of a Bitch"/"Bitch"     

(1) Dad/Mom taking you to the lake to teach you how to vomit out of the boat after your first beer and chew.  Also, memorization of who Miss/Mister March, April, July and October are.

(2)  Large feast of more beer, refer, tobacco dip, catfish and pheasant ( where child is honored when dad tells him he was arrested and that son could do no worse).

(3)  Party: calling your uncle, aunts, a few cousins, sisters and brothers-getting together and smoking weed and passing out by the campfire

(4) Charity event:  "Getting mad at a nearby driver and throwing loose change from Dad's console through their window"

(5) Gifts: one year subscription to "Penthouse," empty promise that you'll go to 'Vegas soon, skoal and a fake I.D.    

(6)  Family honored with court hearing where they are called in front of judge one month later to describe assault and disorderly conduct charge.  Shame is passed from grandfather to father to son (also grandmother to mother to daughter).


Dr. Shenanigans P.H.D. (Prick Head Drunk)                                                
                                                                                                         

                                                                                                   
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                          
                                                                                                         

                                                                                                    
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                  



DR. Shenanigans (P.H.D.-Prick Head Drunk)

"Twenty-Five Julys 'Till August"

Elton John pulsed dashboard out
proclaiming a memory-my memory
was permissible to
summon me one month forward

Oh, that lonely cassette tape
belched from radio leaked into that
white room corner, forlorn
west wing of home

A childhood memory
sitting at times alone
That adolescent flash in colored visions and tones
concerning the end of summer

To start as a seventh grader
to stop all the innocence
that was Don Henley
When we were Destin, Florida vacation restrained

That night I feared all that was new
but slept cautiously
not knowing
my adolescent days were few

I hated that school could not start in September
Elton John pulsed dashboard out caused that fact to be remembered
That it was only July-that you'd make it soon enough
As for this time your weakening heat, I would not rebuff

Smiling at you now I no longer wish you away
Looking back on that 1989 summer eve's sway

I thankfully smile out into the rain
And thankfully pray to all those Julys which brought me to this one
To remind me that you were not so bad
I bid ado until three more weeks-I will finally appreciate you in three more weeks.

*Work about how a song can remind you of a crystalized moment in your childhood stating what month of the year and season in your life it which it reminds you.

J.C.B.

SECOND ROUND OF ROAD SIGN FUN FOR SUMMER SCHOOL!

      Alright Driver's Ed Drivels.  Per our second lesson here in summer school we will review road signs.  The next one has a common meaning but per our exam if you write the standard meaning you will fail.  Times have changed and so have the meanings of road signs.  Now there are new and more savy meanings.  If you don't know them you will probably be arrested in the future and at least fail here in the present.




STANDARD AND OUTDATED MEANING:









NEW AND RESOURCEFUL MEANING:




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                                     MOBILE PROSTITUTION!





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