Several weeks ago, while driving home to visit my family for father's day I noticed a couch on the side of the interstate as I made my drive an hour northeast to my home town. I thought to myself that is very appropriate since this represents what is in the front yard of most houses in Alabama, at least in the minds of outsiders. So in regards to geography and sociology I thought we would take a day out of the year and pretend that "we the people" have the control to change state seals and come up with a new list per each state by determining: what is commonly found in front yards of that said state thus representing that state as a new state seal. For example in Alabama (state full of rednecks) we have a hole worn couch.
Arkansas: "Broken down white Ford truck" (pick up-no not O.J. Simpsons former Bronco)
Arizona: "space aliens and border patrol agents laid asunder filled with bullet holes"
California: "Passed out hippie holding an unpaid government bond in one hand and a weed bag in another."
Colorado: "See California except for bond notes but with a snow jacket and wearing skis"
Connecticut: "Family passed out wearing gas mask to shelter winds that blow in from New Jersey and Long Island"
Delaware: "Nothing- state is not physically large enough"
Florida: "Mosquitos the size of dogs sucking the last amount of blood from a dying individual"
Georgia: "See Arkansas but with coca cola bottles laid around along with moon pie wrappers"
Hawaii: "Surfboards"
Idaho: "Potatoes and thus now every health club chain available to encourage folks to kick carbs to the curb."
Illinois: "Pools of high fructose corn syrup from Monsanto Corps"
Indiana: "Fallen rusty basketball goal rim only Larry Bird could love, lying in corn stalks"
Iowa: "See Illinois but with less yards"
Kansas: "Scythe laid next to bailed wheat pile with photo of Harry Truman on top"
Kentucky: " See Indiana-but with moonshine bottles and bullet shells and holes next to and on backboard respectively."
Louisiana: " Not enough time to describe-would give nightmares"
Maine: "lobster crates"
Maryland: "Sewage washed up from Chesapeake Bay (although real stench blows over from D.C.)
Massachusetts: "Norm Peterson" passed out with his favorite spirit in hand
Michigan: "Eminem and Kid Rock in handcuffs"
Minnesota: "No one goes outside too cold so there are no front yards"
Mississippi: "See Alabama and Georgia but with Ku Klux Klan "robe included"
Missouri: "No more yards-keep getting washed away each spring when Mississippi floods over"
Montana: "not many front yards-next house ten miles away"
Nevada: "Sand! and empty foreclosed homes in sand!"
New Hampshire: "Brilliantly beautiful hardwood autumn trees-BLOWN DOWN BY ATLANTIC 'NOREASTERS"
New Jersey: "Dead person filled with bullet holes with odd cement squares on feet"
New Mexico: "Same as Nevada but without foreclosed houses or houses for that matter instead t-pees."
New York: "Billy Joel passed out with bottle in hand"
North Carolina: "White water raft and effigy of Andy Griffith"
North Dakota: "Dried oil shell deposits from FRACKING"
Ohio: "Petition to succeed Cleveland from state boundaries and place it in Michigan with Detroit"
Oklahoma: "Someone else's yard, house, cars, and pets due to severe tornadoes"
Oregon: See California minus faulted bonds plus spruce trees plus any nut that has tied themselves to those spruce trees"
Pennsylvania: "Who cares- I need a break"
Rhode Island: "Rhodes Scholars-Hey I Tried?"
South Carolina: "Any government official from Washington D.C. tied to a tree, draped in a Confederate flag with a "succession" letter in their mouth"
Tennessee: " Dolly Parton photos next to moonshine and broken down white Ford pickup"
Texas: "See South Carolina but with rifle held against federal employee's head with stetson hat on it."
Utah: " Young men in navy slacks, ties and white dress shirts on bikes constantly standing by door posts (this phenomenon is now in every state also)"
Vermont: "Tourist passed out from diabetic coma due to intake of syrup from maple tree tourist site."
Virginia: "Congressmen hiding behind trees in their underwear because it's not their home and surely not their wife."
Washington: "FBI agents in raincoats looking for the most current serial murder suspect, more hippies.......soaked in rain"
West Virginia: "Homemade signs signifying John Denver's burial site along with banjo"
Wisconsin: "Vomit-since the whole state smells like cheese and beer plus photo of Vince Lombardi"
Wyoming: "Cowboys alone by sheep with laso in one hand and laptop watching "Broke Back Mountain"
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