"A Moment's Time" Art of Passing Along Altruistic Integrity

Usually, when I show up on here I have a clear distinction concerning what I want to write.  I know how I want to engage and entertain.  This morning my thoughts feel jumbled but I write knowing this may just be the most affirming and powerful message I say. It will be so, not only on here, but anywhere at any time.  As a matter of fact, I just came up with the title five minutes ago after much inner debate.

Yesterday morning a line in my personal growth was drawn in the proverbial sand.  My father came into my office and flatly stated he was going to the dermatologist's office to treat melanoma.  It took me several hours to wrap my mind around the fact my dad had cancer.  But, it took me only a few minutes to fret about the news as the cognitive dissonance was complete and reality set into focus.  Sure, he was getting it removed and had told me that the physician had gotten all of it and it had not made it's way out of the skin.  Still, there is that moment of reflection when you start to ponder what the future holds for all of us.

Having never been married or having the opportunity to start a family of my own my loved one's longevity in this world is something I consider at least once a week.  Married people, although, would certainly feel loss as would anyone else of a loved one, have some one to fall back on emotionally in the event if a parent passes.  For a single person the prospect of losing a parent before senior age hits a portion of the soul deeper than it would someone with a family.  In a strange way I have emotionally prepared myself for a moment like this for several years.  I have done so knowing there may be a possibility things don't work out with me and the family thing and I am in the long haul alone when my parents pass.

I have lately thought of myself as someone who is on a maturity level appropriate with their age.  But, yesterday I realized I was ahead of curve.  In my twenties and a good portion of my thirties I was not. Over the past couple of years I have fantasized about owning my role as the older brother who saves my younger brother and my mother on an emotional level when my father passes.  Yesterday, I realized I could be just that.  It was liberating and affirming.

In two days time I will be sitting across a table at an upscale establishment in Atlanta, GA.  At that same table will be a beautiful female transplant from Columbia, South America.  At least that is what my matchmaker said when she sent me an e-mail two weeks ago of her bio.  Sure, I have reengaged with a matchmaking firm in Atlanta I used two years ago.  Sure, I feel slight pressure to make it work with someone each time I make the drive from east Alabama over there knowing my membership expires in June.  I don't know what will take place in two nights.  Although, I value this person, it does not matter to me as much anymore if she accepts me for who I am.  She is a stranger up until we meet and she owes me nothing except common courtesy and kindness we should all give to one another.  For that matter, I have realized after yesterday's news that I am content if only a few more people ever love me for me again in my LIFE. 

So many people out there have never met their parents or a parent.  So many out there have been told verbally or in action they are not loved by their parents or parent.  I have been blessed to have never experienced that.  More than likely my father will keep going back to the dermatologist and will keep getting good reports.  In the event it does not work that way I have had an amazing run with him and all the things he has taught me.  How to invaluably give and sacrifice in love.  I am preparing now to pay that forward whenever both my parents are called home to Christ.  I am practicing it right now.  In two nights from now, in Atlanta, nothing will be guaranteed. In the doctor's office nothing will be certain.  In life............we all know the answer by now.

NON OF THIS MATTERS BECAUSE I HAVE LEARNED SACRIFICE AND WHAT I CALL ALTRUISTIC INTEGRITY FROM THOSE WHO CARED SO MUCH FOR WHO I AM AND NOT WHAT I ACCOMPLISH.  THAT BEING BOTH MY PARENTS, TRUE FRIENDS AND CHRIST ALONE.  I CAN ENTER THE BATTLE FIELD OF LIFE AND PASS IT ALONG FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS.................I AM READY TO PAY IT FORWARD!

Happy Valentine's Day

            J.C.B.

           2019