Irreverent Study of Adolescence In The South (Jewish vs. Gentile)

   Everyone knows that Jewish culture has a period where young men and women are ceremoniously introduced into adulthood.  Their rituals as are known are called Bar Mitzva and Bat Mitzva.  What society does not know is that Gentile, southern, suburban and agrarian America also has a "coming of age" ritual, where sons and daughters are passed into adulthood mirroring their Hebrew counter parts.  The ritual of Bar Mitzva means Son of Commandment.  The Gentile ritual is known as Son of a Bitch (for girls it's just Bitch). Since I have a P.H.D in sociology I thought I would introduce this social phenomenon by comparing and contrasting elements from both of them.  Study them thoroughly as you may be tested.

                                                                                                  
                                                                                                               
                                                                                              


Bar/Bat Mitzva "Son/Daughter of Commandment"                                   

(1) Meticulous study and memorization                                   
     of portions of Torah (Brachot-speak                                         
     Maftir-read and the Haftarah, d, var                                            
     Torah also "The calling up on the                                             
     1st Sabbath of the 13th birthday)                                             
                                                                                                        
(2) "The Se'udah" (celebratory feast where                             
        child is honored)                                                                
                                                                                                          
(3) Lavish parties                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
                                                                                                         
(4) Gifts: books with religious value,                                              
      religious items, writing implements                                           
      and monetary items
                                                                                                    
(5)   Completing a Tzedakeh (event to                                             
        raise money for a charity of the                                               
        Bar Mitzva's choice)                                                                  
                                                                                                         
(6)   Family of the Bar Mitzva often                                              
       honored with an "Aliyah" i.e.                                             
       calling family up to podium.                                                       
       Torah is passed from grandfather/Mother                                              
       to father/mother to 13 year old    




Gentile "Son of a Bitch"/"Bitch"     

(1) Dad/Mom taking you to the lake to teach you how to vomit out of the boat after your first beer and chew.  Also, memorization of who Miss/Mister March, April, July and October are.

(2)  Large feast of more beer, refer, tobacco dip, catfish and pheasant ( where child is honored when dad tells him he was arrested and that son could do no worse).

(3)  Party: calling your uncle, aunts, a few cousins, sisters and brothers-getting together and smoking weed and passing out by the campfire

(4) Charity event:  "Getting mad at a nearby driver and throwing loose change from Dad's console through their window"

(5) Gifts: one year subscription to "Penthouse," empty promise that you'll go to 'Vegas soon, skoal and a fake I.D.    

(6)  Family honored with court hearing where they are called in front of judge one month later to describe assault and disorderly conduct charge.  Shame is passed from grandfather to father to son (also grandmother to mother to daughter).


Dr. Shenanigans P.H.D. (Prick Head Drunk)                                                
                                                                                                         

                                                                                                   
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                          
                                                                                                         

                                                                                                    
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                        
                                                                                                  



DR. Shenanigans (P.H.D.-Prick Head Drunk)