Reader,
I come to you this morning saying something that may sound crass. This social distancing thing has been fairly easy for me. The fear of myself or loved ones getting sick has not brought me much anxiety. Here is why:
I have been through more painful experiences before. At times I'm still realizing them. I can remember my grandfather having to tell me I was in the pre stages of skin cancer back in 08' and to come in for a lab result. I guess southern boys like to ride around with their shirts off a little too much. I know what it is like to live alone for extended periods of time only to wake up with yourself each morning and wonder if that will change. I know what it is like to realize your life is a lot different than all those you graduated with and to want what they have. I know what it is like to feel that no one understands what you are experiencing, even as an adult. And just this year I watched two family members who I could confide in and who's peculiar personalities melded really well with mine, pass away in consecutive months. For whatever reason I could reach inside them deeply when others could not. I know what it is like to blow thousands of dollars in hiring people to help you find romance only to see it not work. I know what it is like to piss away a relationship, FOREVER, with the best woman a man could ever have; in your early twenties. I know what is like to realize the regret and results of my inability in that is much worse than I could have imagined. I know people say things are not as bad as they seem, but some times in life they can be worse. I know what it is like to get fired from multiple jobs in my twenties and early thirties. I know what it is like for people to doubt me. Boy, do I ever! I could go on. Some others of us could as well reader.
I know you know that these are painful, fearful and uncertain times. Yes, it will be strange to go back to an establishment to eat only to find some friendships you enjoyed with staff there will never be realized again. In a way it will feel like it does when we were in school and starting over each year with a new teacher and in some cases - classmates. I write this synopsis of my testimony to demonstrate to you what you have to do to make it through this. That being, you need to draw upon past painful experiences and let them strengthen you for our present battle. Listen, I know it sounds counter intuitive. Trust me, you will need to mix in this sour with all of the sweet you are using to make it through. When I look back on those dynamics and even some I'm going through now, I see how this issue today does not match up. Back when Bear Bryant was coaching the University of Alabama football team he made practices so hard that his players would say the games felt like fun and they were easier. You need to drawn from an experience from your past that makes coping with today's world feel easier. Please, understand I am not minimizing what we are all going through, yet I can promise you there are some of us who are more battle tested than what this issue is offering. If there are some of you out there not as battle tested - then seek and confide in those that are from an emotional standpoint...............................................
NOW THE SWEET
Many people I know who are my age seek the 90's when they want to heal with nostalgia. Some like the grunge music or they like Seinfeld. I made some poor decisions which caused some self -inflicted heartache in the 90's which caused me to have an unfavorable opinion of that decade as I was living in it. Now, I just have an even perspective on that time in my life. I go back and listen to music or watch old episodes of Wings. Yet, although I don't hate that decade, I also don't love it either. I can take it or leave it.
When I really want to heal and get my second wind I retreat back into the 80's. To me that was the last period of my life before I was either a teenager suffering from insecurities or a college student overwhelmed with thoughts about what I'd be doing with my life. Or now in these times what I've done wrong in my life. As a matter of fact I often tell people I wish I could have been coming of age or had been a young adult in the 80's or even the 70's. I also feel that, that time span had the best sitcoms, movies and the best pop music/culture in our history. I have spent the last several days back in that decade, and I can say how magical, how creative it was then.....................and how visceral it is now. Here is what I want to recommend to lift your spirits
I watched Teen Wolf with Michael J. Fox last week and laughed until I thought I'd get sick. It is more of an under the radar coming of age movie that is a little less know than some others. But man, it will do the job. Here are some songs videos I've been healing with the past few days:
Dan Hartman: I Can Dream About You
Irene Cara: What a Feeling (Flashdance soundtrack)
Squeeze: 853-5937
Mike Reno (Loverboy) & Ann Wilson: Almost Paradise
How I'm coping:
DO NOTS:
Watch the news hardly at all. It is full of negative and sometimes sensationalized information that can cause anxiety. I limit it to once a week or so to see if there is new medical advice....that is it.
Watch the president's state of the union address. This is not to be political at all. Yet, he says crazy things then some interviewer with an opposing political perspective will say condescending things and you have a great big argument and have wasted much of your time. You are basically watching two people act like children.
Hang out on social media too long. I know, you're saying wait a minute that is how I connect and stave off loneliness. True, yet there are better ways to do that where you don't have to see news feeds of someone having the life you want and think you lack.......or someone sharing false information that can be stressful, inflammatory political statements, or you have hackers (in my case lately on FB) or more news that can be stressful. When we are anxious we are more prone to addiction and unfortunately, social media and the t.v. can fuel it.
Drink alcohol. I'm going completely dry until July (my new slogan and goal)
DO's:
Contact people the old fashion way by (letter, phone call) Use text and Messenger but do it sparingly.
Be creative. Now is the time to write new poetry, music, love letters - make more visual art
Temperature therapy: Hot bath or cold bath. Temperature extremes can be chemically therapeutic, which means they help emotionally.
Eat dark chocolate and take CBD derivatives.
Do stretching and deep full breathing exercises.
Pick a past decade and escape back into it's pop culture.
Let this wave of change wash out some people or relationships that were not healthy and affirming.
Let this be an opportunity to meet new people when we are able.
Pray, because God cares and He is in control.
Being a 'sea horse' by nature I love water and I have made a commitment to myself that I'm going to learn how to surf when things get back to normal. Take care and God Bless
J.C.B.
No comments:
Post a Comment